ongoing pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
ongoing pain
13
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:09am

Hello everyone,

Its been awhile since I was on here, been a bit down.  I stll feel such pain for my buddy Sue, I miss her all the time and our talks, I would do anything to talk to her one last ime, but I know its nots possible.  My brother who also has cancer is not so good, see him going down and down, its all so overwhelming at times.  Both these people were such anchors in my  life.  To top it off my husband could not be less sensitive or caring, its like his life has not been interupted so its not his problem, I am to the point, with his cold heartness, I think I need to leave, he could not be less supportive and its actually making things so much worse for me.  You sure find out who you true friends are in times of trouble........

 

I hope you feel better Promise, we do miss you

 

Hugs to all

Kathy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:19am

Hi Kathy,

People show grief in odd ways and maybe your husband's cold heartedness is his way of coping with your losses. Perhaps he is one of those type people that tend to just ignore things in the hopes it will go away. Have you talked to him about how you feel?

Also, Have you thought about getting some counseling for yourself? It may help to talk to someone.

Brenda

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:27am

~hugs~

Hi Kathy,

Lorie here just wanted to let you know you are not ALONE I am here my friend...:)...

<3

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 11:45am

Thank you Brenda, Yes I do understand the concept of people grieving differently, and coping techniques, You are right he is the type of person that hides his head in the sand, and hopes it all goes away, unfortunately this process of grief is a long journey, if it ever ends.  My friend died just over 7 months ago, someone I considered a sister, we knew each other for ever, the void is huge.  Now My brother, is basically dying as well, with stage 4 colorectal cancer and I am his primary care giver, I watch him decline everyday.  So the stress is overwelming at times, I am not the same person, my husband is great for the no emotional type things, driving places, doing errands, that sort of thing, he sucks for emotionally support, and that is what I need right now more than anything.  I have went to grief councilling and private councilling, it does help to a degree, but the work processing this all is up to me, and its difficult. 

Hugs

Kathy 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 11:48am

Hey Lorie,

Thank  you my friend, I do feel not so alone when we talk, it helps like you wouldnt believe.  I know you have lost so many as well, and your sorrow is just as much. 

How are you doing lately? Are you enjoying your new house, or adjusting?

Hugs

Kathy

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 12:08pm

Hi Kathy,

I am sorry for all you are currently going through.  Lorie is correct, you are not alone.

I so so much agree with what you wrote:   "You sure find out who you true friends are in times of trouble........"

Oh I could go on and on about that because I am still figuring out who my true friends are!!  I had seen some quote on facebook that I will try to find the exact wording .... something about .... if a friend has to check their schedule or watch to let you know if they are there for you, then not a true friend, or something like that?  Do you know the quote?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 3:48pm

Hey Heidi,

Thank you for the reply, no unfortunately I dont know the quote, or maybe I have heard it but cannot recall.  Its tough to put yourself in someone shoes, I know that, but I always try, maybe because I work in the health care field, not sure, but some people are cold, if things do not effect them they dont care, I cant be like that, I guess in a sense I am glad I am like that, I can be empathetic to ones problems, and feel for them.  I hope I never become hardened to the problems of others

Hugs

Kathy

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 10:38pm

~hugs~

Hi Kathy, same here you have helped me so much because you got it...

Recently lost another friend and I shared that with Heidi.

My dd is having trouble and is worried about me.

I love my new home and have been exploring my new city...:)...

It's been hard but good for my ds and myself to...:)...

We are looking forward to warmer weather.

It was sunny but cold here today.

We still have a fair amount of snow but I feel like Spring is in the air, I am hoping...;)...

I have made new friends here and I go to a support centre for those dealing with mental health issues, I have Depression, but it doesn't have me...;)...

I try to get out and about every day, it is good for me I know.

For some reason today I have been a bit teary but I think it's just coping/dealing with so much LOSS and change but I don't regret moving except for missing my dd and some friends.

It was definitely a time for "Change" and a Positive one.

We are adjusting...just taking it one day at a time...

I am very proud of myself for having the Courage to do it finally...:)...

<3

Lorie

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 10:43pm

I have met a friend since moving here and she has been a Rock to me...

Since the very first day we met she became a friend.

We had a tea the other day at her new place...:)...

I am so very happy for her.

It's true you really do know who your true friends are, they are the ones that are there for you.

No matter what!

Kind of a whole lot like the ones I have LOST...:(...

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 10:46pm

~hugs~

Kathy...

<3

Lorie

Nightangel
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 03-06-2013 - 5:58pm

Lorie - that is actually my latest research topic, who are your true friends?  I am learning who mine are as well.

I am a true friend to you, 24/7.

Hug

 

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