pre-grief counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
pre-grief counseling?
7
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 2:57pm

My dad is going to pass soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 10:55am

Hey,

thank you for sharing your story with us. I love to read other peoples insight into grieving. It gives hope, if you understand what I mean.

Love

promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 8:49pm
My mother died last year after two years of declining health. She was 82 and had a lot of hard times in her life, but she also had a lot of great qualities and we were very close. In the ten years before she died, we actively worked on making sure I would have a lot in my life after she died. Even when sometimes I know she would rather I did something with her, we were honest with ourselves and each other about how empty my life would be when she was gone if I didn't find other people and activities to fill my time. Her last years saw her world become smaller and smaller as she became more and more frail. I felt like I lost her a little at a time, but I had the time to do for her what I wanted to do, and nothing was left unsaid. By the time she died, we were both prepared. A freind who went through a similar situation with his father at the same time gave me a great perspective on things - he said we were 'premourned'. Our sadness was spread over years. I did not put my life on hold to brace for the sadness. I felt it a little at a time, but I also took every good day as a gift. I knew how the story would end, and my goal was to just make it to the end...my stepmother died in Dec 2001 after an 18 month fight with cancer. But the perspective on her death for me was colored by 9/11 - we had plenty of time to say good bye. So many people do not get that grace, and that day certainly contained a lot of that. In the natural course of life, we will lose many people we love, and those we don't will lose us. If you spend many of your allotted days mourning instead of celebrating the lives that surround you, you are missing a lot of sunny days. I am not saying that there isn't a place for sadness and fear, but if they are taking over your life, than I think counseling is a great idea. Best wishes SJ
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 5:50pm

Hey,

sometimes we do need to feel we can control something when everything else seems to be spiralling out of control.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 5:35am

I so agree on the feeling out of control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:41pm

Thanks for the replies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:55am

Hey,

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. Yes, counseling can be really helpful so I would go for it. As I said to another boardie, we need to learn to cope with our loss of what we should have had in a relationship. You might find you also mourn the loss of not having the type of relationship with your father that yoy would have had if he had been different.

Only you can decide when is the best time for you to marry so if you feel a quiet



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 5:23am

HI, and sorry on all you are facing.

YES: IMHO on counseling now, it sounds like you need to make peace with your dad's drinking and childhood, I did therapy for the very same reason.