Suicide and Guilt - 4 yrs later (Long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Suicide and Guilt - 4 yrs later (Long)
6
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 11:14am

Hi All - I'm not exactly sure if this is the right forum but I needed to start somewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 2:53pm
Aww, Meg, I'm so sorry for the loss of your FIL and for the loss of who your DH was prior to his father's passing. I would imagine he must have a lot of hurt inside. Is he still talking to the doctor who prescribed his meds? Perhaps he, or you, need to continue to see a therapist to discuss the concerns, especially about his stopping/weaning off of his medication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 4:54pm

Hey Meg,

welcome to the board.

I lost my brother to suicide and also a close friend and I guess I am always going to feel guilty I didn't see it coming , that I could have and should have stopped it for happening.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 8:55am
Thanks everyone. I appreciate your kind words and I am sorry to hear of your loses as well.

I agree with your thoughts on guilt whole heartedly and that is where some of my confusion lies. DH says he thinks he could have prevented it but he DOESN"T have any guilt over it. I don't understand how that is possible.

When this first occured, we found that there were a number of people who were concerned about my FIL. We all had different pieces of the puzzle. If we had all talked before we would have seen how serious the situation was. I found myself very angry at my FIL's best friends because they had the most information, serious information, and never came to us. I have since let go of my anger. We all had our heads in the sand and didn't want to admit to ourselves that something like this would happen. DH never got anygry at them. In fact, he seems to have found father figures in some of them and they seem to replace his father in their eyes. I'm not saying he should be angry, I just find it odd that he hasn't. DH is a very rational black and white type of person. He doesn't really believe that you can FEEL a certain way even if you shouldn't. Does that make sense? I think that is partly why he is unable to feel the emotions that I would be feeling if I were in his place.

Also, therapy is proving to be a little bit of a problem. Right now DH's primary care dr is prescribing him the lexapro. There must be some kind of law in the state of MA because I can't get an apt with a psychiatrist unless you are seeing a therapist that works in the same practice. And we have not found a therapist we like that actually works in a practice. So back to the primary care we go.

I also am not allowed to make apts for him. And he won't do it himself. So there is another issue.

So many feelings and no "right" answer. I really wish he'd take some action to get some help. We have had the conversation numerous times and I think he believes and agrees with me but he won't take the next step. I would do it for him if I could. I feel so out of control and I hate it.

Thanks again,

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 2:16pm

Hi Meg,

it sounds to me a bit like your DH is blocking things in his mind. Also the medication may also be affecting his thought process.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 9:17pm
Thank you Promise. I hear You loud and clear about taking care of myself. I have a full time job, a 3 yr old daughter and a very busy husband. I have no time to get to the gym and have been sick a gazillion times this winter. I actually gave myself shingles. Luckily it wasn't a bad case but it sucked regardless. I have had to put my own therapy on hold since dh's insurance doesn't kick in till may. Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 6:40pm

OMG