iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
Thu, 08-08-2013 - 11:25pm

Hello everyone,

I am trying to avoid so many triggers, some I dont know where or how they come to be.  I lost my best friend a year ago, and still feel pain whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of her, something so silly as a bathing suit, that I bought when she was with me, and liked, will start to make me cry, I dont know weather to get rid of these things or keep them?  I get sad when it comes to holidays at times, because her and I spend alot of time on holidays in the summer.  I am on vacation this week at a lake, I love to be near water, and I was swimming, and suddenly I started to cry, just the lake reminded me of her, again we spent alot of time around a lake near where she lived.  I am trying so hard to avoid certain things, because of triggers like this.  Does anyone have any advice?  My Brother also passed away almost 2 months ago, and certain things are triggering me about him too



Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: okeakc01
Fri, 08-09-2013 - 11:19pm

Hi Kathy,

That is a good question.  I think a therapist would have the right answer.

My opion would to go though the, "triggers" as that may be part of the grieving process.  I would think that if you try to avoid them, then you could stay stuck in the grief process, which I know personally from experience that being stuck in the grief process for years was and still is very difficult.  Just my thoughts....

What do you think?  Am I making any sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
In reply to: okeakc01
Sat, 08-10-2013 - 2:33pm

Hi Heidi,

Yes you are making sense, its like you have to face the triggers to get to the other side of this grief, I do know what you mean.  I guess I am just having so many things at once, my friend and now my brother, life is just not really the same for me right now, and so many things remind me of those two.  I am going in the fall to see a grief support group, which I did last year, and found helpful.  Its a personal journey this grief, some days I feel like I should not be so stuck in my friend, Sue who passed just over a year ago, but it is still so painful, so I suppose I am just have to find my way, its hard though.  Its hard to pick up the pieces after spending a lifetime with these people, a big adjustment.

Thanks for you thoughts......Kathy


Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
In reply to: okeakc01
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 9:21pm


It's been three months since my sil passed and a year since my friend went missing and was murdered.

Lots of triggers...

Her murder trial is coming up a month from today, I am thinking of going...

My sil, more like a ds has been hard for my dd and myself.

We did a lot ALL together...we miss him so very much.

I am so glad we were there at the hospital with him...kwim?

My friend it was so very hard and difficult under the circumstances.

I just miss her and know how much her family, her kids miss her...:(...

For me reading the posts and sharing Memories has helped a lot.

It helped me to see her oldest dd, she comforted me...

My friend's ds is taking it the hardest...

I cannot even begin to imagine how we have gotten through this year.

My dd and ds found it very hard to.

My heart goes out to you Kathy, you have helped me.