'You need to let go of Luke :- (

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
'You need to let go of Luke :- (
11
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 3:12pm

I was talking with a friend last night and she told me she was worried about me because I had not let go of Luke, as she put it.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 4:02pm
I would consider the source of who said that. I have a few people that just don't know what to say so say the worst things. Did she say what particular thing she meant? Wedding ring, pictures, his clothes in the closet? You talk about him? And it is always the friends with the most "perfect" lives that love to judge. Like let them lose a spouse and a mother in one year. We love you promise and if DP is OK with how things are, raspberries to that friend that said that. Josie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2010
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 6:11pm

The next time somebody says that to you, tell its easy for them to say stuff like that--very easy. Its your loss and your timetable to deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 6:46pm

I keep my wedding ring in my jewellary box , I have one shirt in my dresser and one picture of him on the wall.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 6:50pm

I need to do that. But you know how people can make you doubt yourself when you are feeling vulnerable.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 3:09am
I'm so sorry Promise!! People don't say that to people that have a grandparent, child, etc die, so why they think its appropriate to tell widows I have no clue! :-( You will never "forget" "get over" "let go" etc Luke. He is a part of you, just like an arm, nose, leg, etc. You love your DP and if you didn't or if he thought differently I highly doubt he'd still be in the picture.

If she thinks you haven't she'd flip to meet me! LOL Just remember this, people that say that are just (thankfully!) uneducated in the feelings of this and if they don't go through it they will never understand it! If you were to not think of Luke, have love for him, etc I'd be worried about you even before I was widowed. I never understood the feelings but I do now. Luke will always be your husband, and even if you and DP get married, it won't change that. Don't let go of Luke or your memories. It won't help you one bit!! If anything I bet it will hurt more! I still talk of James, even to those I date. My baby will know about James. My sisters kids still say he's their favorite. I won't let him go, and if people think otherwise they can shove it where the sun don't shine! :-)

HUGS!!

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 6:28am
OH my heavens Promise, what is that lady's issues? I am so sorry and everyone grieves at their own pace. It isn't quite 9 weeks for me, and my therapist gently suggested I start praying for acceptance, and she was right. But again, I am just praying God helps me accept my current situation, no one is suggesting I do what is more than i am comfortable with. love, Josie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 4:58pm

Katie, you have no idea just how much your post lightened my heart.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 5:04pm

Hi Josie,



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 5:58am
I got your back! ;-) Your DP sounds like an awesome guy which doesn't surprise me since you are such a sweetheart! You got lucky twice!! :-) And he is right on that Luke is part of both your lives!

I'm doing well.. still a bit emotional at times! Found a video James taped while deployed around Christmas that year and we were never able to see it. I was shocked the other night when I randomly searched his name and found it! OMG! Priceless! I'm eating somewhat properly lol and resting isn't too much of an issue. The vitamins are used for sure! lol Only thing is this chest better stop growing! I can't hardly shave the legs because of them! ;-) Otherwise we are good and trying to stay warm. Hows things with your ED going? Any progress on that front?

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 6:04pm

Yes, DP is a sweetheart.....most of the time LOL

That must have been bittersweet seeing that video of James.



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