I'm so scared I have colorectal cancer

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
I'm so scared I have colorectal cancer
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 1:11pm

I turned 50 and am scheduled for a colonoscopy and I am petrified.  When I was 24 years old a doctor I was working for found what he said was a "polyp."  He did a sigmoidoscopy and took a biopsy and it was benign.  This doctor used to do an upper and lower GI x-ray and gallbladder x-ray for anyone who complained of any kind of abdominal pain.  He also did an occult blood test and it was postive.  Yes, because I had just had a baby and I had hemorroids!!!  (In other words, he ordered too many unnecessary tests)   Fast forward to 1994.  I was having left sided abdominal pain.  A colonoscopy was done and nothing was found.  They did even mention this supposed "polyp."  I asked about it and they said it was a skin tag.  After having three children my hemorrhoids became severe and in 1998 I had surgery.  I asked the surgeon to do sigmoidoscopy because I was afraid the rectal pain might be something else besides the hemorroids.  It was done and again no mention of the supposed "polyp."   The doctors haven't been doing rectal exams on me, I don't know why, they just said since I had that colonoscopy that I didn't need it.  I should have insisted on it!  This new doctor I got did one and said she felt something in my rectum.  I told her I had hemorrhoids and about the "skin tag."  She had already before that told me since I turned 50 I should get a colonoscopy, and she didn't seem overly alarmed by whatever was in there.  I should have asked more, what did she feel?  I am scared to know!!!  Did this thing get bigger and turn cancerous?????   I have no symptoms that could be cancer, except the rectal pain, which I am still sure is from the hemorrhoids, because they came back.  I try to get more fiber in my diet and that helps.  When I use hemorroidal suppositories it helps so I think that is what the pain is from.  My colonoscopy is scheduled for August 2nd.  My husband just had gallbladder surgery and there were complications so he ended up taking 6 days off of work instead of 3 and he can't take off again for awhile.  I'm going to go crazy.  I just became a grandmother for the first time, I don't want to be sick and I don't want to die!  Please tell me I'm overreacting!!  Wouldn't I be having more symptoms/problems if this thing did turn cancerous????   I don't have any of the classic colon cancer symptoms.   I feel so stupid for not mentioning or reminding them of this thing.  But, no one told me to have period colonoscopies or anything like that because of whatever that thing is in there.  Am I dumb to have trusted them?  Have I been in denial??   I know people my age that have died of cancer.  I have seen some of my high school classmates in the obituaries.  But, no one close to me has died from it.  My dad died of lymphoma when I was a year old.  My sister had breast cancer but is 8 years cancer free.  I have my mammograms so I'm not too worried about it.  I just feel like since no one close to me has really battled or died from cancer, that I'm the one, I'm going to get it, and I'm going to die, and it's going to be colon cancer.  Please help me to not think like this!