Abortion (Scared)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Abortion (Scared)
10
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 1:50am

A little about me, I am a single mom, already had 4 kids prior to my marriage ending and getting a tubal, thought my child bearing years were over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 6:10pm

Awww, I'm sorry that happened!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 8:48pm
I spent 15 years married to a guy from a quiverful style religious movement, between the abuse and all the kids, my pregnancies got increasingly difficult, my first two were amazingly easy, but after a few abuse induced miscarriages, and then my catching chicken pox while pregnant at 7 months and having it turn to pneumonia causing a vacuum labor while having fever induced seizures, I haven't been able to carry without extreme complications, I lost my son shortly after I finally got out of the hospital which is part of my abortion issue, it was the only son I ever produced my ex so he blamed my godless ways on his death. My next two girls I spent a good portion of my time being flown to the nearest city due to preterm labor and complications, from around 5 months on my body just wouldn't quit trying to go into labor. My doctor finally managed to convince my ex to allow the tubal because he said if I kept doing this it would kill me.

But every time I think of an abortion I see my sons face, I don't remember anything about his birth since I was in a fever induced delirium, but I remember his death, it almost killed me. I just don't know how I can do that, all the trying to stop preterm labor and the other issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 8:30am
Wow, you've had a really tough past :(. I'm glad you're divorced from that man. And, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy :(.

The son you lost--was it the pregnancy with the chicken pox/pneumonia/vacuum?

Do you think your medical care back then was not up to snuff? You say you were in a religious movement, so I don't know if that means some kind of compound living, etc. (the ignorance in me is making me picture episodes of Big Love ;) ). Any chance that better medical care and maybe if you're in a position in your life where extended bed rest an an option would help? Have you consulted a physician about all of your medical concerns?

I don't want to sound like I'm trying to talk you out of it. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you arrive at the decision with peace. Again, sorry for everything you've been through and are still going through!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 9:22pm

Welcome to the board.

If I may ask, how old are the children you have now? Do you think that you would be able to have another one in the family? Or do you think five would be too many?

Also, is your FWB okay with having a child? Does he have any already? I'm assuming he is single, since you picked him for a FWB situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 8:26pm
Its tomorrow at 10:30, and hes going with me, but I don't want to go.... He seems like hes against every other option I bring up though. It actually really disturbs me. Honestly don't think he wants it to come out. Him and I were publicly involved so I think allot is more about hiding the pregnancy then anything. Actually we are publicly involved enough that people see me in town and ask why we haven't been hanging out as much. People think we are dating. So I think hes scared people will know and find out he got me pregnant. We live in a really small town, and people know both of us really well.

But I have been spotting and now I am bleeding, so it might not be a problem. In a way this is better, its just my body saying it can't do this now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 9:10pm

I can see why he might be hesitant for people to find out about it, but I'm sure you probably don't want everyone knowing either. It's not really everyone's business what happens.

The spotting and some bleeding could be a normal sign of pregnancy too, so I'd definitely recommend going to see the doctor, no mater what you decide to do. It seems like often women's bodies seem to be in tune with their thoughts, and somehow a miscarriage ends up happening before there can be an actual abortion. Isn't it funny how things work out sometimes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 11:13pm
I don't want it to come out either, but it bothers me allot that hes just so spazzed about it. My family is local, they are also devoutly religious, and I don't think they would support my adoption idea. It seems that hes more concerned with people knowing then how I actually feel about it. Thats more of what bothers me, he knows the whole thing is upsetting me, but he seems to get really pushy on this is my only option
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2011
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 10:48am

I am coming in on this a little late, but wanted to say I hope everything works out for the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 4:53pm

Its Over, the irony is, it didn't require an abortion, around 7 PM I started bleeding heavy, my fwb stayed the night so we could go to the Doctor in the AM. But around 11 PM I was bleeding and Cramping pretty bad, so he ran me to the local ER, fetus had died and my body is attempting to expell it. So waiting for my OB appt to see if I need a D+C didn't get to bed till 5 am. Its OVER..... Just feeling relieved now, both of us are. Hes never had kids, hes not sure if he will ever be ready to be a dad. We are both much happier about the way things ended. I felt nothing more then relief

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 11:31pm
I'm so sorry to hear this - and so happy for you too - if that makes sense. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm happy you didn't have to make the decision.

Do go in for your appointment. Do take care of yourself. Hopefully you can move on from this and make something positive of it.