Advice Needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013
Advice Needed
2
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 12:47am

I'm not sure who is out there, I just happened upon this forum.  I'm 25 years old, and I just completed the second step of a medication abortion yesterday.  My relatively long term boyfriend was very supportive of whatever choice I made, but both of us agreed that given our ages and the fact that he is still a law student, and I have only been out of college and working for ~3 years, abortion was the logical choice.  He has been my rock, and has supported me (sometimes literally) through each step of this painful and sometimes embarrassing process.  However, I still wish I could have had this child, our child, with the first man I ever thought I might want to have a child with.  I find myself getting angry at him for being unaffected, and sometimes, although I know this was the responsible choice, I irrationally blame him for always speaking out in support of making the sensible choice.  I keep thinking that I may have made a mistake, that we could have had this child (we are adults after all, and he will be working by July), and that we should have found a way to make this work.  

In short I am surprised at how deeply I feel this loss, and at how shaken up I am.  I don't want to lose my wonderful boyfriend over this, but I can't seem to stop feeling upset at him over this, even though I know its not his fault and he did everything he could to help me through this diffficult process.  

If anyone has any advice, I could really use some right now.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 8:51am

Hi emmie. I am new to Ivillage and have just been browsing through the topics and came across your post. I have never had an abortion but had a friend who had one many years ago. Her situation was very similar to yours. Her struggle with the decision eventually ended her relationship. She felt that she bore the entire brunt of the situation by herself and he was able to go on with his life like nothing had ever happened and she couldn't. She got angrier and angrier at him because she wanted him to somehow prove he was feeling what she was feeling and despite anything he said and did, he wasn't able to "prove" anything to her.

Personally I think you should talk to your bf about how you feel and let him know where you are coming from so it doesn't destroy your relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 11:22am

Phyllis -

Thank you so much for your response.  We have been talking / I have been trying to continue to keep the lines of communication open.  I think its been helpful.