daughter considering abortion, looking for thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
daughter considering abortion, looking for thoughts.
3
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 12:05pm

31 yo dear daughter just told me she was pragnant!!! I was always hoping to be happy when I heard this from one of my kids, but I am just MAD.

Her story is she was dating a guy for 7 months and she did not know he was married with 2 kids.  When they met he said, "not married, no children" about 6 week later he told he he acutally had 2 children and was in the middle of a divorce.   All lies.  After about 5 months my daughter had enough reasons to suspect he was not telling the truth and found his wife and called her.  As suspected the wife knew nothing.  My daughter ends the realationship, but she keep working with the guy:smileysad:  Actually her job is tied to his, without him she has no job (odd but true, cannot explain here)  Over the last few months she has come to realize NOTHING this man told her was the truth and she wants away from him.  BUT she just found out she is pragnant.  I am furious for many reasons, first she got pragnant months after finding out this man was a lying jerk, what was she doing sleeping with him!!!  Second this so called man told he he cannot afford to support her financially with this baby, she starts thinking about an abortion.  Then he calls his parents to tell them and they have the nerve to call her and want her to keep the bady.  She will have NO job, cannot do what she does pragnant or with a baby, she flies all over the country doing work. NO insurance for this pragnancy, and will most likely be a c-sectin (daugther has had some female problems).  Was on Depo Provera when she got prognant, baby may have birth defects. So called father is unwilling to help financially because all his money is going to his soon to be ex-wife. (because they had always wanted her to be able to be a stay at home mom).

So while his ex-wife stays home with his other two children, this poor child will be in a daycare, possible with special needs and no support from this so called dad.  AND to boot his child support is 2x the money my husband and I raised 2 children on with both of us working.

Daughter had career goals that just started coming together. She had personal goals, that will be impossible pragnant or with a child, one that she just spent $25,000 on.  She was going to do some higher level horse showing so now we have a pricy horse 5 states away that has not even been picked up yet.  She will not be able to afford living in the town she is currently in much less board the horse with a baby and a lower paying job.  (she had her finances based on a high paying job,no baby)

We have told her NOT to base decision on money, we can help, but she would have to come home for us to be able to afford it.

She is thinking she should abort, I am so mad I cannot advise rationally, what a mess.  Like I told her "either way you are screwed" no pun intended.  Guilt of an abortion or a baby with a guy she just wants free of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Re: daughter considering abortion, looking for thoughts.
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 12:40am

How are you doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 11:24am
Thanks for asking. Short of the story, dd was home working a project, got mad at co-worker/baby daddy and up and left town (both had been here). She went home hating the baby daddy for telling her more lies!!! Now they are back to finish the project, and no decision has been made as to what to do. Baby daddy has involved his entire family including his soon to be ex-wife who has choosen to call my daughter and provide HER feeling of being against abortion (she and baby daddy and baby daddy family are Morman, DD is not). Baby daddy is saying NO to giving up his right, looks like he has taken adoption off the table, leaving her having him in her life forever as they share a child or abortion. I have no idea what to say to her. I cannot tell if she wants the baby daddy in her life or not, I do see he in NOT good for her, but that is my observation, she is standing up for him so must feel otherwise.

Actually sucks right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007

Yeah, sometimes it's having dad around that makes the decision, unfortunately.