Don't even know where to start. Help Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2012
Don't even know where to start. Help Please
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 3:23am

I'm 22, and i just recently had an abortion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007

Welcome to the board. This is a great and supportive place. It helped me through my own abortion and the feelings that came after. I hope it will help you too.

I guess the only thing I can say to you is this: give yourself some time, space, and grace. If you do, things will get better. When I say time, I mean that everything is very acute right now. You are still hormonal and especially emotional, and you're still physically recovering from the procedure. In time, things won't be at the forefront of your mind, and you will find ways to cope with the loss. When I say give yourself space, I'm not saying it will ever be easy, but eventually the more acute sting of the loss you have suffered will begin to move into the background a little bit. You need to give yourself space to feel the feelings you have, and to let them go when it's time to do so. When I say grace, I mean give yourself the benefit of the doubt to know that you made the right decision for you at the time. Don't second guess yourself. You did the best you could, and that's all you can do. Don't allow yourself to beat you up for the decision you made. Again, you did the best you could.

I think many people do not realize that even when an abortion is the right decision, it still brings with it a loss. You have lost what could and would have become a baby. No matter how much you want to think of it as something that isn't a person, it could have become one. So you did lose a baby. You are not alone in naming your baby. You are not alone in mourning her and the life you would have liked to have given her. It happens to many of us. I feel that the baby I aborted would have been a girl too. I feel the loss of a sister for my child. I feel the loss of never having a daughter. Do I regret my abortion? No. But I am still acutely aware of the things I chose NOT to have when I aborted that baby.

I guess the best advice I have is to take some time for you. Mourn the passing of your daughter. Mourn the loss of the happy pregnancy and occaision that we all wish that could have been. Then ultimately honor that loss by living the life that you were meant to live and that you hoped to live before this happened.

Good luck, and don't beat yourself up.