Some background..So I am
Wow, it sounds like you and he both have your hands full. What a way to find out that you are pregnant, and what bad timing from the sound of things. How old are your other girls?
Do you have anyone else that you can talk to about this abortion? It does sound like your ex has a lot going on with his brother's death, but at the same time I'm not sure he deserves a free pass on this either. Is it possible to feel him out for whether he might be able to watch your kids while you go in, help you a bit after the procedure, or whether he may have a friend who would be able to support you? It's possible that he may want to try to get to "normal" again, and maybe helping you will be something to take his mind off of losing his brother.