I Realized I Am Being Verbally Abused in my Marriage, Pleaes Help
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|Sun, 02-16-2014 - 1:51am|
I posted recently in "surviving divorce and separation" http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex/relationship-problems/surviving-divorce-separation/surviving-divorce-separation/should-i-wait-it-out-or-end-my-marriage-very-confused-need-help
I have been feeling like I've been going crazy while communicating with my husband. He constantly blames me for everything and makes me feel like every argument is my fault. Yesterday, he was in the kitchen eating a bagel. I asked if it was the last one. He said no. I knew there was another pack of bagels in the refrigerator but he was eating a bagel right out of the package. I went into the kitchen and saw that he was eating the last bagel in that package. I said, "you are eating the last bagel." He said, "No, open the goddam refrigerator!" I said, why do you have to be so mean when you talk to me? He said it was my tone that made him respond like that. Then he got up and went into the bedroom and got his pillow and went into the guest room. I followed him in and reminded him that when he returned home after a short break we took he had said that he didnt want to fight and realized he did not always have to be right. He said, "you are f***ing batsh*t!" I went into the bedroom and started to cry. I wondered, why did I have to ask about the bagel? Why is he treating me like this?
This happens all the time. He says I'm crazy and unstable. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If you read my earlier post, you'll see that I did see another man during our marriage but he forgave me, or so he said (I was not on medication at the time and was having manic episodes, I am now on medication and am stable). I also was raped after that. I feel he is now taking it out on me and making me live in torture. I question myself all the time and wonder what I could have said or done to make him so angry at me. He blows up for no reason and then takes off for Las Vegas for the weekend, without me, to see his family or leaves to go driving or go somewhere, I don't know where. He tells me it's my fault, because I am arguing or starting fights but all I'm ever doing is trying to explain my feelings. He says that he is a laid-back guy with everyone else but I make him angry and I make him fight. He says when you keep poking at a dog it will bite so he is justified at being mean to me. He says things like "I am at full liberty to bash your face in" when he gets angry with me for saying or doing things like locking him out when he is screaming at me (I only locked him out a few minutes). He has made other threats like he wants to tie me up and make me watch him bash his head in with a hammer. Then he says he doesn't really mean these things. All I do is ask him questions like "what are you doing today," "why are you being so quiet?" Then he attacks me with a verbal assault. I question myself all the time and feel so confused because I don't understand what I can do to make things go smoothly and make our relationship good again.
He owns two guns and I don't exactly feel safe in the house because of all this anger he has toward me. I am trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship but I am overwhelmed and it's hard to do this. I only know one person in the city I'm in because I quit my job to move here to be with him. That friend lives with her parents so I can't stay with her. He is in the Navy and refuses to stay on the ship. We don't have money for me to stay in a hotel. After al the threats he made of shooting people and tieing me up I stayed in a hotel but I came home. He said he was going to stay on the ship so that we could take a long break because he didn't want a divorce but he came home after two days and then started little jabs at me. He said that he has had to support me during my unemployment. He said I am pathetic and have turned into someone dependent on him. (I have taken a while to get back to applying for jobs after being raped). He made me feel like a burden. I told him he hurt my feelings and he just turned it around on me and was screaming at me all sorts of insults. I felt so bad that night I almost wanted to go to the hospital. I just want this torture to end.