Is it physical abuse, mental abuse or am I overdramatic

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2014
Is it physical abuse, mental abuse or am I overdramatic
Fri, 07-04-2014 - 4:59pm

Hi there, I need to talk.

I am really second guessing myself. I finally left my husband but now I feel crazy.

He would get really mad-which grew closer and closer together as the years we by. I think that calling me a f'ing b, cunt, idiot, and screaming at me was verbal. I think that's right. But can you help me with some other stuff.

He put a few holes in the wall, cracked the coffee table, and even hurt my dog a few times. He used the belt on my daughter a few times, he would take her where I couldn't get to her, into bedroom and locked door. My dad used belt on me and I never wanted her to get that. Some people say belt is normal so I don't know, but I know we fought on that. It threw me when one day he jumped up, grabbed the belt and took her into the bedroom. 

There were a few times I guess I got comfortable and we were playing and I play hit him on his shoulder. Very light during laughing. I see my friends do it to their husbands. He immediatly punched me back in the shoulder really hard with his fists. No bruise or anything it just hurt. He said if I hit him, he's hitting me back. Was I wrong to do that? And was it OK that he did that back. that was only time he actually 'hit' me. But not sure can say that. I am so confused.

Also, sometimes he would get so mad he would stand over me with his fists up yelling at me to 'shut the f up before I beat the shit out of you', 'I wanna f'in catch you on fire', nasty things like that. If I was on the bed when he was mad he would shake and hit it. 

Was any of that physical abuse, or mental or what??? Am I being over dramatic. I am having hard time with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000

Yes it is all of the above...I highly recommend you find a good counselor that is well versed in domestic abuse and PTSD to help you process what you have gone through and start the healing you need to be able to move forward and not end up in another similar type relationship.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001

"Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:

Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.
Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault."

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You are not being over-dramatic and it is both physical, mental etc.
So glad you left.
No Contact hopefully?