Really feeling haunted

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2001
Really feeling haunted
7
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 6:14pm

i'm having flashbacks and nightmares but not of the sexual abuse, but the physical and mental abuse and others that my rapist did to me. I have always thought that dealing with the rape and my other sexual trauma would put it all to rest and I'm finding that isn't the case.

Today I took DD out to eat and while there someone I knew(not well) grabbed me from behind(like my abuser would do before throwing me against something) and I screamed and almost hit him. I was a mess and everyone was looking at me. I then got really claustropobic and couldn't breath.

I see my therapist on Tuesday and think I am going to have to start working in this and hope it doesn't trigger a bipolar episode.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 12:35pm
thau wrote:

I saw my therapist and we have a plan in place that I am going to work on with her. I left feeling as though I had signed a deal with the devil though and made a promise that sccares me more than the process she wants me to go through. I told her after we dealt with this issue and it was gone, I would look into getting my teeth fixed and meant it, hence the deal with the devil.

So long as I avoid some triggers thata I figured out and work with her I should be good.

Debbie

It's good to have a plan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2001
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 11:04am

I saw my therapist and we have a plan in place that I am going to work on with her. I left feeling as though I had signed a deal with the devil though and made a promise that sccares me more than the process she wants me to go through. I told her after we dealt with this issue and it was gone, I would look into getting my teeth fixed and meant it, hence the deal with the devil.

So long as I avoid some triggers thata I figured out and work with her I should be good.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 5:34pm
piananana wrote:

Hi Debbie,

I'm so sorry that you got caught off guard like that. I too get that panic, trapped feeling over a particular thing so I know what you mean. I've learned to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:38pm

Hi Debbie,

I'm so sorry that you got caught off guard like that. I too get that panic, trapped feeling over a particular thing so I know what you mean. I've learned to

Nancy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 11:42pm
thau wrote:

Thanks. I think the thing that scares me the most is that in dealing wiht the sexual abuse, It triggered a year long battler of depression that almost took my life several times (tiggered a severe depressed episode with my bipolar disorder) and I am terrified of living that again. It took a very faith based revelation for me to move on from that point and I am just truly scared.

I thought the rape and the physical/mental abuse would be healed in one lump thing, I guess that was naive because the guilt about the rape and the feelings have disappeared but the issues with the abuse are front an center right now. I was just hoping for a break after last year and I think personally it stinks for me to have to deal with this again.

I can understand how the concern about falling into a depression is scary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2001
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 3:42pm

Thanks. I think the thing that scares me the most is that in dealing wiht the sexual abuse, It triggered a year long battler of depression that almost took my life several times (tiggered a severe depressed episode with my bipolar disorder) and I am terrified of living that again. It took a very faith based revelation for me to move on from that point and I am just truly scared.

I thought the rape and the physical/mental abuse would be healed in one lump thing, I guess that was naive because the guilt about the rape and the feelings have disappeared but the issues with the abuse are front an center right now. I was just hoping for a break after last year and I think personally it stinks for me to have to deal with this again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 12:51pm
thau wrote:

i'm having flashbacks and nightmares but not of the sexual abuse, but the physical and mental abuse and others that my rapist did to me. I have always thought that dealing with the rape and my other sexual trauma would put it all to rest and I'm finding that isn't the case.

Today I took DD out to eat and while there someone I knew(not well) grabbed me from behind(like my abuser would do before throwing me against something) and I screamed and almost hit him. I was a mess and everyone was looking at me. I then got really claustropobic and couldn't breath.

I see my therapist on Tuesday and think I am going to have to start working in this and hope it doesn't trigger a bipolar episode.

Debbie

It can be scary when triggers take us by surprise, especially when we think we have worked through them already.

I'm sorry that you are going through this diffcult time right now and I hope the therapy appointment goes well.