Rethinking Self-Blame

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Rethinking Self-Blame
6
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 10:58am

For a long time I took a large piece of responsiblity for having been raped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 9:05pm
babydance98 wrote:

I understand the self-blame. Yet when you step back and look at other rape victims, do you blame them? It's so easy for us to blame ourselves, yet to tell any other victim that she/he was not to blame. Sometimes it takes that stepping back and putting someone else in your position and knowing you'd never blame that person, and then you can slowly--ever so slowly--begin to realize you were not to blame either. I don't care what someone was wearing, doing, drinking, the company they were in, or any of that--no person has the right under any circumstances to violate another person. The rapist is always the one in the wrong. You are innocent ((((Zoe)))) and did nothing wrong.

Allie

Yes it is easy to tell others but often hard when it comes to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 8:58pm
piananana wrote:

Yes Zoe. I too hold myself responsible.

I was a victim of childhood abuse by a relative. I never told anyone until I got older. He was killed in a car wreck and I was so happy. Everyone else was grief stricken but not me. I struggle with guilt over it.

It can be difficult when a perpetrator dies and you might experience some type of relief when others aren't experiencing that same sense of relief.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 2:35pm

Yes Zoe. I too hold myself responsible.

I was a victim of childhood abuse by a relative. I never told anyone until I got older. He was killed in a car wreck and I was so happy. Everyone else was grief stricken but not me. I struggle with guilt over it.

Nancy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 12:22pm

I understand the self-blame. Yet when you step back and look at other rape victims, do you blame them? It's so easy for us to blame ourselves, yet to tell any other victim that she/he was not to blame. Sometimes it takes that stepping back and putting someone else in your position and knowing you'd never blame that person, and then you can slowly--ever so slowly--begin to realize you were not to blame either. I don't care what someone was wearing, doing, drinking, the company they were in, or any of that--no person has the right under any circumstances to violate another person. The rapist is always the one in the wrong. You are innocent ((((Zoe)))) and did nothing wrong.

Allie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 12:06pm
piananana wrote:

Yes. I agree with what that person told you. It's all about him-not you. It wasn't your fault.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 11:57am

Yes. I agree with what that person told you. It's all about him-not you. It wasn't your fault.

Nancy