My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and three months. We are (or, at least, were) madly in love. We had a great sex life. It was spontaneous and sexy. But recently, I've been lacking that special intimacy. I feel like sex is always about HIM. He fantasizes about other women in bed and tries to get me to join. I don't mean real people he's met in real life, but porn stars and famous people. I was okay with this at first because I thought he was just trying to introduce something new. But now, it's every time. He never focuses on me during sex. He never tries to pleasure me. I always go down on him, and he's never gone down on me once. I feel like we never connect and I feel emotionally distraught from it. I've tried confronting him about it and telling him I don't feel a connection when we have sex, but he just said that he feels connected and doesn't know how to make me feel the same. I feel like this is more LUST than LOVE. How can I fix this and how can I get him to realize what he's doing?
Hi Nicole,
Welcome to the board. According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, Sexual Abuse is: "Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted."
I'm not sure that what you are describing to us sounds like sexual abuse but if the above description pertains to your situation then you are in the right place and we will be happy to try to help you. It does however sound like you might find more support and information for your relationship issues on our Let's Talk About Sex message board where sexual issues between couples can be openly discussed.
Karla
Community Moderator, iVillage.com
I'll have to look into the email situation.
Zoe
Community Leader - Sexual Abuse Healing
Boards> Health & Fitness >Crisis Support >Sexual Abuse Healing
http://www.ivillage.com/forums/health-fitness/crisis-support/sexual-abuse-healing
Hello Nicole,
I can understand your frustration at the lack of connection with your boyfriend during sex.
Zoe
Community Leader - Sexual Abuse Healing
Boards> Health & Fitness >Crisis Support >Sexual Abuse Healing
http://www.ivillage.com/forums/health-fitness/crisis-support/sexual-abuse-healing
No, this is not sexual abuse and I personally think you're on the wrong board. I think there's a board for people to discuss sexual problems. I'm sorry if I seem insensiitive, but calling this sexual abuse is insulting to those of us who were sexually abused. I wasn't sure when I read this if this was meant to be a cruel joke to put this on this board or not. This really isn't the place to discuss you sex life if you're not being raped or absued.