when someone wants to ask you to forgive him/her
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|Wed, 12-25-2013 - 8:49am|
I'd like to know your opinion. I am suffering from PTSD because of an accumulation of deep hurt/sexual harrassment episodes throughout my college life. (I am not going to go into details and write down my rants here because they will blow out of proportions). As a way to protect my emotional health, I blocked all the emails of these individuals and created filters in my email accounts to send to the 'trash' folder any of their emails.
I started a new life in other state, I changed professions, I changed my phone numbers, I began to be successful with my new careerpath, but I have not healed completely from my flashbacks (PTSD symptoms). I do have been able to control them by taking some aminoacids that have been proven to work on anxiety, and they have helped me to keep my life.
In October, I committed the mistake of reopening one of my old email accounts. I did not have the filters anymore. Since it has passed four years from the last incident, I thought that they forget about me. I saw that one of the persons sent me two emails. I felt a panic and deleted both from the inbox and trash bin. I didn't see the subject line.
Recently, I visited my old town to visit my mother I saw from a distance one of these individuals, but I kept walking as if I did not see him. A day after that incident, I received an email from an unknown person mentioning one of the colleges and that they are happy because of some successes... I didn't read the email completely. I deleted it from the inbox and trash.
From the little I read, it seems to me that the person is trying to communicate with me for a long time to ask me to forgive him.
I don't know what to do... I still get affected emotionally (panic, pain, flashbacks) when I remember what they did to me. At the same time, for a long time, I have been waiting for a formal apology. Somebody suggested me to visualize those individuals going to the Light. So, I have been doing that.
If you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it?