wish I could talk about it

Thanks both of you for understanding what I mean. I know that there are many, many topics related to SA that people discuss here; this one is just so specific and, well, a bit odd, I think, so I hate to bring it up.

Sexual abuse affects each of us in some of the same ways and also in many different ways. I wonder who I'd be if my childhood hadn't been filled with SA. I see some good qualities in me that I know I developed as good ways of coping and dealing with my pain. For example, now I stand up to people who are bullies, mean, rude, or when something needs to be stood up to. I may feel a bit nervous, but I've learned to not let people take advantage of me. And I'm learning what are truly my issues and what are issues other people have, I can't solve, and I just need to stay out of. And then there are all the directions the SA pushed me that are negative and I'm working in therapy to get away from. One of my on-going struggles just seems so unusual I hate to share it. I've searched books, the internet and everywhere looking for even just one other person who has this same issue, and I've never found anyone. So I discuss it in therapy, as hard as it is, because my therapist won't let me not talk about it. He pushes the issue every week as he knows it's a huge battle for me. And while I hate discussing it and it's hard, I'm glad he does. It gives me hope that I may get better someday. Maybe.

Thanks for listening.

allie