To Be or Not to Be
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|Sat, 08-10-2013 - 7:19pm|
I need to go back to my shrink, but I've been putting it off. Honestly, I'm having dental problems and I can't go out until it's fixed (in a few days), which has me even lower. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a young teen (I'm 34 now) and had a few half-hearted attempts. I have bipolar, depression, and social anxiety. I'm on disablity and therefore make very little money. That brings up more than one problem, as it's hard to afford care and, since I make so little, it's hard to afford much of anything. My mother still supports me and I don't see that ending. I also keep going back to bulimia, which has been a problem for nearly 20 years. I was doing really well the past few months, but I'm slipping. I also have other health problems and I feel like I'll never feel good again.
Having said all that, here's my delimma: half the time I want to kill myself, and half the time I'm terrified of dying. It's really disconcerting. Does anyone else have this issue? How do you work through it? The worst part is being afraid to die. I'm used to the suicidal thoughts.