been a long time

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
been a long time
3
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 9:31am

it has been a long time since I have posted on here. I am not suicidal ( yet ) and I hope not to be. My dad passed Wednesday and we cremated him Friday after we had a service. my doctor gave me atavan to help me cope. I havent had any since Friday. Today is the 1st day I have been alone and it is sort of nice but also scary.  I was a daddy's girl and miss him so much. I have some angry feeling towards my mom aover my dads death. he was in congestive heart failure and the doctor kept telling us that we had a very sick man and he couldnt lay down at all, well on Tuesday night around 11:30 pm my dad got up to use the restroom and fell and he told my mom to call 911 and she did but she never went back in there to get him to sit up, if she would have got him to sit up he may be here today with us. I have been there for my mom and have been nice to her and havent said anythingt like this to her or anyone else. my heart is just shattered into tiny pieces, and now there are no tears that flow from my eyes, I am so angry at my mom I feel she allowed him to die.

Mary
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 10:39pm

Hi Mary,

Sorry for all that you are currently going through Cry  I am sending you a hug to hopefully make you smile.

You know what, don't be embarrassed about the medication you took.  I have done the same type of thing and don't remember certain days of my life because of those type of medications that cause you to be zoned and not remember what happened.  I took Xanax and Ambien together years ago, BAD BAD IDEA!!  I could tell you stories of things I did on them that my husband told me.  Thankfully, I did not get hurt and no longer take any of them.

That stinks about your friends DH smashed her phone and you cannot talk to a real person (as you mentioned).  You are more then welcome to private message me on here.  I know we don't know each other, but I am willing to talk if you need someone to talk too.  I am very open and I don't judge others.  I also do not have any criminal background or anything like that, so no worries that I am a odd person (grin).  I joke with new people and say, "You can do a background check on me if you feel it necessary."  (LOL).  Anyway, I am here for you however you are comfortable.

Please let me know how your doing tonight or tomorrow not going over to your mom's house, I think you said.

Take care and have a good night, hug!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 9:19pm

she went to check on him when he fell and she had to run and get her cell and when she got back to him he was gone. I am sorry if I didnt say that the 1st time. the doctor gave me atavan and I have been put of it. I guess I took 3 of them the night of my dads memorial and did things I dont remember, things my daughter told me about that I thought I dreamed it, and I wish I could remember but I guess I am glad I dont cause I did some really embarrassing things cause I was pretty much doped up, I have never abused drugs and I am ashamed I took 3 of them.

I have been over to my moms everyday since my dad passed and tomorrow is going to be the 1st day I wont be over there. now my best friend's husband just smashed her phone cause he got caught looking at porn on his phone by her, so now I don't have a real person to talk to about this. I really was looking forward to talking to her and her husband had to go and do this.

Mary
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 2:57pm

((big hug Mary))  I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.  I am glad you came back to our board.

What a tough issue to have on your plate with what you wrote about your mom not checking on him.  How did you find out she did not go back in the bathroom or were you at the house?  I am so sorry,  I know how hard it is too lose your daddy Cry

Please let yourself be angry or sad or whatever you feel.  I am sure you know all you feel is totally understandable and normal.

I know I cannot say much to change anything, but please know I am here for you, ok?

Love,