i'm a failure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2013
i'm a failure
7
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 10:27am

I have a rather unique situation, and Im having a really hard time dealing with it. Hoping for some advice, comments... anything!

LONG story short...

Worked at a company for 6 years. No problems, what-so-ever, for the first 5... I was highly recommended by all, constantly being praised for my leadership and results, used as an example amongst my supervisors, NEVER on any sort of counseling, etc... until we were rezoned and I got a new boss... From day 1 I could tell she didnt like me. She told me upon meeting me that she thought I was someone else (thought I was a blonde girl, but I was brunette.). Obviously when they told her she was going to be supervising me, she had in mind who she THOUGHT I was. She told me over and over as weeks went by, that she wasnt impressed by what others had told her. She "frankly just didnt see" what they saw. I KNOW I was good at my job. I have never been a super confident person, and am very humble, but I knew how to do my job, and do it well. i was PROUD of my accomplishments! Well she kept finding reasons to write me up. examples: saying my store wasnt clean, when I knew for a fact it was. saying because a price tag fell off an item, that I didnt have pride in my store and obviously dont know what im doing. MANY other really ridiculous things to write people up for! Thing is, all these things, I was ON TOP of. More so than any other person, because I knew what she would harp about when she was in there next. But in her eyes, it still wasnt right. NOTHING EVER WAS! I could go in a neighboring store that she supervised, and see MANY things that I would get written up for, that others were obviously not. I knew in my gut, she was trying to get rid of me. I was very compliant, did everything with a smile on my face, didnt argue... I have never had a problem with authority or adjusting to new bosses. I couldnt win. On top of it, she was telling HER supervisor (that always held me in HIGH regards and used me as an example of how a store manager should be) that I was losing passion for what I did, i didnt care anymore, i had gotten lazy, etc. Amongst all this, I had 2 support managers that I started having problems with. First one, her brother hung himself and as much as she tried to cope with it, she slowly started going downhill. She started talking suicidal as well. Acting out, etc. So that was a hard situation in itself. The other, behind my back started sleeping with a subordinate. She eventually quit after confronted, but the sales associate started acting out as well. I recently found out he was going to MY boss telling her lies about me. That I was leaving my store unattended, would take smoke breaks outside on company time (i dont even smoke!!!!), that I wasnt doing my job, etc. This is someone I was working one on one with to PROMOTE and thought he was a loyal employee. So my boss, based on HIS allegations, came in one day (on my 6 year anniversary with the company, yes the day of!!) and fired me without ever asking me of these allegations. I knew what had happened, she wanted me out, and took the best opportunity. I contacted HR, I tried contacting HER boss.... NOTHING. NO ONE would even take my calls OR do anything about it. I was DEVESTATED! i had just gotten married and now I was faced with being fired. I tried to pick up the pieces and move on, but I was refused unemployment (my employer actually fought this) and to top it off, we almost lost our house because of my job loss.

OH it gets better!!

Few months later, I found a job with another retailer. It was amazing at first!! First few months, same thing.... blew away my supervisor, his boss, my peers, etc. I was new, yet others were being told to come to ME for tips of success. THEN, we got rezoned.... NEW boss. First day of meeting her... she says to me " I understand you know Lisa (name is changed), her and I use to work together. We are great friends." and smiled at me. My heart sunk into my stomach. I was hoping she would be mature enough and gave the beenfit of the doubt that shed create her own opinion of me. I had high praise, and hoped shed listen to that. I was dead wrong! Day after day shed call me constantly, email me, text me, come in the store... telling me how she doesnt think im in the right line of work. I dont know how to do my job. I need to rethink this career path. if i decide to have kids, im going no where in this company (i had NEVER even spoke of having kids). that I am at-will employment and can be fired any day, for no reason, and to REMEMBER that. told me that if she was me, she would NEVER be taking a day off.. yes u heard me, not ONE day!! i started working 7 days a /wk sometimes 16-18 hours a day...  i mean, t he list goes ON. So I decided i wasnt going to wait around to get fired by this woman, i went to HR after about a month of constant harassment. They acted understanding and listened to my concerns. The NEXT day I had her and one of her peers in my office with 2 final warning write ups. Things that she had TOLD me and my management team to do, then wrote me up for it. when I pointed this out, she lied and said she NEVER told us that. there was a list probably 10 items long of differrent things. I came in on my scheduled day off one day, was 5 minutues late (we cant enter the store without another employee, they were late and i had to wait for them) and she WROTE ME UP for it. when i explained to her the policy she said too bad. i was leaving there every day crying. i started drinking every night to cope. i made an appt with a psychiatrist (never saw one before), i was shaking in anger and dreaded going to work every day. Soon after those write ups, i handed in my keys and left. It was NOT worth it.

I explained to HR what happened. Nothing was done. 2 of my assistants and half the staff went to HR on my behalf and having witnessed a lot of this harassment and bullying.... nothing was done. I called a lawyer and he said because I am a straight, white woman, and she is a straight,white woman... i am not protected under any class for a harassment suit. basically i can do NOTHING about it. This was 6 months ago. I have heard from people who have interviewed for my old position, that this woman is bad mouthing me during her interviews. making up lies about why I got fired from my OLD job. telling them I was under an investigation that I was never aware of.

Its literally never ending and I just dont know how to cope with ANY of this! I cant find another job and personally I am scared of this happening again... i just dont know what to do.... i went from being the  money maker in the family and now i can barely get out of bed in the morning. great way to start our first year of marriage...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2013
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 1:03pm
Hi Sunset, Sorry havent responded on here. Sometimes its just hard to even get up in the morning, let alone turn on the computer :/ Ive tried getting into another line of work for the past 6 months. No one will even interview me because I dont have "office experience". I mean, I cant even find a job as a damn secretary! My husband is very supportive. I am thankful for that... but I know he is worried for our financial situation. With good reason... We almost lost our house when I first got fired... so I know that is going through his head. I tried reaching out to old supervisors who always gave me great performance reviews and who always said they would be a reference for me in the future. Not ONE, has even responded back to me. They literally all have turned their back on me. its like I wasted the past 7years of my life and worked so freaking hard for nothing!? i mean, even when i wasnt at work, i was at home doing research on how to train more efficiently, how to maximize results, motivational tools, etc. i hadnt even been to a general doctor or dentist in 6 years because i litereally NEVER stopped working. even the week of my wedding, i was still calling my store and checking on results. i felt GUILTY for taking time off to get married. so that when i say i gave it everything... im not exaggerating. so to not have that day in and day out... i do not know what to do with myself. i went to a recruiter recently and a temp agency... even they told me i spent too much time int hat job field and finding something besides that will be next to impossible. little do they know that I CANT go back even if i wanted to. idk... its getting harder every day. i think for awhile i was numb to it all. staying positive that i had good karma on my side. i never treated people poorly, followed the rules, did everything that was asked of me... i know something good had to come my way... and now i am completely over that thought. i obviously did SOMETHING to bring all this on. ive always been one who can admit my faults and apologize when wrong... but honestly, i have racked my brain trying to figure out what i did... and i just cant and i think thats whats contributing to this craziness im feeling. my anger is getting to a boiling point and today i literally broke down and cried for the first time in months and just shook with anger uncontrollably. i dont like that feeling. anyways im sorry im rambling on... im really sorry to hear about your friend and i hope your current situation at work has gotten better. thats how all mine started.. no problems for YEARS until new management took over... but i honestly dont think youll end up in my situation. its pretty rare.. lol lemme know what happens though, im pretty good at detecting the warning signs... (ie: i knew my bosses were trying to fire me, i was a boss too so everything they had taught me, they were using against me, like i was an idiot...)
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 2:58pm

Peachykeen,

Was wondering how you are doing?

 

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 7:57pm

I can understand what the lawyers are saying, unfortunately Frown  I am sorry.

She has no business telling you that you are in the wrong line of work!!  She is so unprofessional.

You must live in a small city, if everyone knows everyone else there.

Was your degree in retail?  Do you have a different line of work you may be interested in seeking?  Just throwing out ideas.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, this is not your fault!!  Is your husband supportive?

I know, it is a cycle.  Need counseling, but need money to pay for it.  I am currently in the same boat.  Have been seeing the same counselor for 2 years, but have not seen him in 3 months because it is $105 per visit and we cannot afford that right now.  But, I have 2 major issues in my life right now that I need to talk to someone about (I lost my best friend in Nov., her choice)  and yesterday, I got a not so nice email from my new boss regarding my commitment in my job (long story).  He is a new supervisor and does not know me or my dedication to my job for the past 12 years.  I won't bore you with the details, but I can say, when you wrote that the job situation is "eating away at you" I totally know how that feels.  My stomach hurt so bad last night from being so upset over his email.  And, I am sapose to have a talk with him via phone this Tuesday to discuss concerns he said he has.  I have had about 10 supervisors in the past 12 years there and never had a issue.  sigh, sorry for going on.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2013
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 7:33pm
unfortunately... i consulted 3 different attorneys... all said the same thing... one lawyer told me, "unfortunately, there's no law against being a jerk". he told me he has seen this happen all too often, and unless i can PROVE they have done me harm, or i was in one of the protected classes (gay, diff race, etc) I really have no case. It will all be, he said, she said... or in my case, she said, she said... theres no way of proving anything because it was all done verbally. even though i have people who have witnessed her bullying, he still said that wouldnt hold up in a court case. i started seeing a counselor because it has been eating away at me. the one attorney said if i saw a counselor every week for months on end, i MAY have a case of emotional distress. MAY. problem is, the counselor i was seeing was always so booked, they kept cancelling my appointments and the next available one wouldnt be for another month or so. PLUS it was costing me $160/session... so i just couldnt afford it. i couldnt afford to pay that and have the case not be a slam dunk. i have tried looking for other jobs outside of retail (i graduated college with my bachelors 7 years ago) and because i dont have "specific" experience, noone will even give me an interview. as a store manager i had a HUGE amount of experience in SO many different areas, but because i didnt specifically work in an office environment, i am no good to anyone. i cant go back to retail because everyone knows everyone... thats how i ended up in this place in the first place... my reputation is tarnished and i honestly dont know where to go from here... Hard to stay strong when everything youve worked so hard for, and everything you were so proud of, is suddenly taken away and you are told you are in the wrong line of work, and that im just not good at it... I KNOW what they said isnt true.... doesnt take away from the fact that it eats at me that OTHERS now think this without having known my SOLID and SUPERB work history. Its like more people believe the bad than the good... I just want a purpose.. i cant get a job. i cant help my husband with costs. im hurting our marriage by putting us in this financial place... i cant have a baby because i dont have a job... never ending vicious circle.
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 12:19pm

Welcome to our board!  Thanks for sharing with us.  I have been trying to respond to your post sooner, but could not log on to iVillage yesterday.

I agree with the other poster, Promise, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!  i am so sorry for all this your going through, anyone would be upset.  And how unprofessional these employers are!!!!  Unbelieveable that this woman can get away with all she has said, she said so many things that were way out of line!!  And, something she mentioned about you having children, that is none of her business, nor appropriate to say to you!!  Please know, I don't think you are wrong to be upset about all this.

I am not sure what type of profession your in and I sapose that does not matter, it is out of line.  I know you mentioned you talked to a lawyer an sounds like you were turned down.  My opinion would be to look for another lawyer, if this is the route you want to take. 

I don't know if I have been helpful, but please know, we are here for you.  Can you let us know if there is any new information about this upcoming?

Your not alone!  Sending you a hug.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 6:37am

And I wanted to add. Stay strong. Those who eveil do will face their punishment. You may never know when it happens but I firmly believe that she will pay.

And you are not a failure. 

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 6:35am

Hey,

not doing so great myself right now but wanted you to know you are not alone. 

That is so terrible to have all those lies told against you and for the second job to be lost because of the woman telling lies to her friends about you. Is there no way you can sue her for doing this to you?

Love

Promise