There are times I wish I were dead

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2014
There are times I wish I were dead
Thu, 07-17-2014 - 12:21pm

Okay, so here is the story: I am currently in debt, and it's been my situation for the past few months. It feels like I will never, ever get out--it is basically like a hole I can't dig my way out of, and therefore my failure to get out is making me horribly miserable to the point that I am again contemplating suicide. I am fortunate enough to have a job but obviously it does not pay enough for me to actually get out debt and save up properly, and in a way I blame myself also for the job I have and the fact that I can't seem to accomplish shit.

Me being in debt has disappointed my parents, in particular my mother. It has created an unstable, negative situation in our house (I currently live with them) and I have considered more than once to get out, despite my lack of financial resources. It's just...the situation has gotten to be too much. I thought I was in control but obviously that was wrong.

I have figured that maybe suicide is indeed the answer. The way I see it, I am causing more misery to my parents and to myself and to most everyone else around me and therefore I don't deserve to cause any more pain. So...I should just end it all and be completely rid of.

Avatar for cmerin
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 07-17-2014 - 12:57pm

Hi there,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so hopeless. Please know that there are people out there who can help you, with your finances AND with your feelings.

National Suicide Hotline USA
*Dial 911* if you feel desperate

State Hotlines:
Why call a suicide hotline?

Please call and talk to someone.

Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 07-17-2014 - 6:47pm
All I can say is that the way things are now is not how they will be forever. None of us knows what the future holds, but suicide is such a final choice. I agree you should call a hot line and speak to the people who care about you. There are options to get out of debt - bankruptcy is one, but there are other ways to cut expenses and generate income. Ivillage has a debt support board - people there have paid off 100,000 and more...they will not judge you and can help you budget and find creative ideas. Please get help. Best wishes
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 07-24-2014 - 12:19am

Please know that you are not alone!!  I agree with the other people whom posted, suicide is not the answer.  I do truely understand what your feeling and I have been there too.  I know it is so hard.  But, you are more then welcome to come to our board and share your feelings.  You will not be judged here and people do understand what you are going through.

Have things improved any since you posted?  Hope you will post here again soon.