deep breath Tuesday
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|Tue, 04-01-2014 - 7:57am|
"The Gift of Fear" by Gary DeBoecker?! My stomach is doing somersaults, and I keep thinking that, well, there is a reason...if the judge sees me as unreasonable, he COULD order that court go forward on 4/10, without my having a lawyer. Back in 1992, a judge ruled to have me kicked out of my house with my children, even though both my ex AND I had enough money to pay the mortgage. Although, she was later demoted because of rumored drinking problems, her ruling "stood" free and clear. I later, was able to dodge that bullet, but it was a clear message to me that, sometimes, life just doesn't make sense. My anxiety probably does not help because this is the week my doc wants me OFF of all hormones...trying to induce TTOM, although it's not happening.
So, today, I am hopeful for linedancing tonight...that will be my workout. If no dance, then, perhaps I will either go to the gym for a class, or find a ballroom dance class to go to...I need some stress reliever! Three new things to be grateful for, today...having today to live my life (I learned that a former co-worker of mine died yesterday...tragic...four young children ages grade school to high school...no word on details other than his manager was called by the police to pick up work items found in his car), knowing that I have my husband who is a ROCK by my side, and having a really wonderful daughter that I am proud to call my family. :D
GR, speaking of mothers, yes, I am a LOT like my mother, but she also scares me...which then makes me realize that I scare people around me, too. :O I suppose that is because I am LATE with my boundary setting, and therefore, when someone finally pushes me over the edge, I set a hardfast boundary that can rarely be broken. My husband jokes that on the outside, I seem like a strong and scarey lion, but deep down inside, I am a scared turtle. Wow. That gives me some insight into my mother...and thus, when I saw that the director of the independent living facility was annoyed that my mother keeps changing her mind on which unit she is on the waitlist for (she now wants the nicest one, of which there are only six units in the entire facility), I explained that she knows that this is one step closer to death, and probably where she will die, as most of her friends have. I thought he was very insensitive in ignoring that fact, but I was very polite in thanking him for his patience (which he WAS not patient at all!) Oh, to be political and use psychology on people to create understanding. Ok, yes, I am overemotional because of the hormone changes as tears stream down my face as I write this. I HATE these dang hormones!