deep breath Tuesday

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
deep breath Tuesday
6
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 7:57am

"The Gift of Fear" by Gary DeBoecker?!  My stomach is doing somersaults, and I keep thinking that, well, there is a reason...if the judge sees me as unreasonable, he COULD order that court go forward on 4/10, without my having a lawyer.  Back in 1992, a judge ruled to have me kicked out of my house with my children, even though both my ex AND I had enough money to pay the mortgage.  Although, she was later demoted because of rumored drinking problems, her ruling "stood" free and clear.  I later, was able to dodge that bullet, but it was a clear message to me that, sometimes, life just doesn't make sense.  My anxiety probably does not help because this is the week my doc wants me OFF of all hormones...trying to induce TTOM, although it's not happening.

So, today, I am hopeful for linedancing tonight...that will be my workout.  If no dance, then, perhaps I will either go to the gym for a class, or find a ballroom dance class to go to...I need some stress reliever!  Three new things to be grateful for, today...having today to live my life (I learned that a former co-worker of mine died yesterday...tragic...four young children ages grade school to high school...no word on details other than his manager was called by the police to pick up work items found in his car), knowing that I have my husband who is a ROCK by my side, and having a really wonderful daughter that I am proud to call my family.  :D

GR, speaking of mothers, yes, I am a LOT like my mother, but she also scares me...which then makes me realize that I scare people around me, too.  :O  I suppose that is because I am LATE with my boundary setting, and therefore, when someone finally pushes me over the edge, I set a hardfast boundary that can rarely be broken.  My husband jokes that on the outside, I seem like a strong and scarey lion, but deep down inside, I am a scared turtle.  Wow.  That gives me some insight into my mother...and thus, when I saw that the director of the independent living facility was annoyed that my mother keeps changing her mind on which unit she is on the waitlist for (she now wants the nicest one, of which there are only six units in the entire facility), I explained that she knows that this is one step closer to death, and probably where she will die, as most of her friends have.  I thought he was very insensitive in ignoring that fact, but I was very polite in thanking him for his patience (which he WAS not patient at all!)  Oh, to be political and use psychology on people to create understanding.  Ok, yes, I am overemotional because of the hormone changes as tears stream down my face as I write this.  I HATE these dang hormones!

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 9:11am

Fresh, I don't know how you manage the stress. As far as your mother, I am right there with you. Mine is still living independently right across the street from me. Yesterday she called and left a message on my answering machine (I was here but didn't answer her call) and said she needed someone to come over immediately. Of course I flew over thinking something had happened. She wanted someone to help her put a new bedspread on her guest bed. Ugg

I went out jogging yesterday and did 4 miles. My feet and legs are very sore so I am taking today off. It is going to take a while before I can get my legs conditioned to do higher mileage comfortably. I can now do 5 and 6 mile runs with no problems but any more I have some soreness and fatigue the next day.  By the way, I've been tracking my mileage since I decided to get serious about running (this past October) and I hit 500 miles this week. 

I am dealing with allergy symptoms this week. I live close to the #1 worst city for allergies and that ranking comes as no surprise. My head totally agrees with it today. :-)

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 9:30am

FSN, big giant hugs to you.  Your doc wants you off hormones this week?  You know what?  He (or she) can take a hike.  Really.  There are good times to do things and bad times to do things.  And then there are times that are so completely UN-optimal that you need to be your own advocate and say "Yes, I will do that.  But not right now."  If it's safe, keep your lady substances the same and pick the switch back up when you are not dealing with uncertain futures with court system.  So glad you are keeping up with your dancing.  I think that's a priority to keep your sanity.  

Karla, congrats on the mileage and UGH on the "mom emergency."  How's the baby doing?  

Yesterday was non-stop so I'm hoping for a calmer day.  I'm working this morning, doing cardio and then going for a massage (YAY!).  Spending the afternoon/evening with OP and will probably also do some more work.  

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 11:09am

Fresh I once went off my hormones for one year. It was a nightmare. I tried every "home" remedy that anyone and everyone suggested. I finally went back to the doctor (after she had asked me to go one year) and told her I couldn't do it anymore and that I had to have my hormones back. She said no problem, wrote me a script then asked me why I waited so long to tell her I couldn't do it. I almost slapped her and I'm not the slapping kind. 

Gym, the granddaughter is doing great. It is so weird that in just 24 hours she went from critical condition with every person I know praying for her life to bouncing around laughing and playing like nothing had happened. Right now she is thrilled with her new "hair cut" (half her head shaved) but she hasn't actually seen herself. She's not allowed to wear anything at all on her head so we are going to make it seem like a fun punk rock type style do so she isn't self conscious. We might even dye a peice or two pink or purple once the stitches heal and we can wet her head.  

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 11:17am

Oh, I love the idea of her "punk rock" hair!  That is fabulous and I'm happy to hear that she's doing so well. 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 1:07pm

FSN, your legal problems sound terrible. I hope your new lawyer is good after the string of incompetent ones. I agree with GR that this is not the week to go off the hormones....all of this stress may bring on your period anyway. If that fails, just wear white pants or skirt Surprised.

Karla, great news on your dgd. GR you are always so busy, I admire your stamina. SJ, how exciting about your impending retirement. How do you intend to spend the first week of freedom? All of you with moms still living, try to remember that one day they won't be here anymore and the annoyances will probably seem petty then. 

I've been lurking which is how I know what's going on with you ladies, just not feeling like I have much to contribute. Been busy with stuff--houseguests, dh had a medical quasi-emergency, working on taxes, etc. Fitness, not so good. I've been to the track a few times but getting bumped off by U.S. and Canadian Paralympic cycling teams. Their Worlds are in a couple of weeks so they are in heavy training mode but will be gone soon for another year, so I try to not get annoyed that my little routine gets disrupted LOL. I've walked a few times instead. Still have not joined the Y even though I bought a new swimsuit and cap. Really need to set up a schedule and stick to it. *sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 3:03pm
FSN, I am not sure that you wouldn't do a better job than the lawyers you've been paying...I too like the trick of being very sweet to people who are being jerks..Karla, at least your mother didn't invite anyone to stay overnight at your house....and 500 miles? That is a lot! And great idea on the hair...GR, have a lovely afternoon! ELC, I agree with you about mothers. Near the end of my mother's life, my brother took hs family to Florida without really asking me if I could come and stay with her - I didn't mind that he went, or stayong woth her, but I inded that he didn't ask, and she was aware that I wasn't happy about it. She said to me 'I think you would rather be someplace else" and I remember saying to her 'well, someday I will be someplace else and I will be wishing that I could be here' - I knew it was true then, and it is certainly true now. She was difficult in many ways, but in reality, I don't regret any of the many things I did for her. But I also know that others percevied her as a sweet little old lady, and she was, but not every minute! And daughters, I think, get the worst of it because we want our mothers to be happy and pleased with us, and sometimes, that just isn't going to happen...I am posting from work - no workout today because I am being wined and dined on my way out the door. I have minimal plans for the first week, but I want to get into a good routine where I walk for an hour every day, and go to the gym every day, and eat well and log my food so that I start to lose some weight...I feel like I need strong habits and routine, and then I can adjust....but I also plan to sleep late becaseu I am a night person, and I look forward to indulging that.