ready to take on the world on Thursday

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
ready to take on the world on Thursday
7
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 8:45am

Aaaaahhhh, so looking forward to my massage tonight.  I have a huge knot/pain in my right trapezius.  My mom left a message last night while I was out linedancing.  I read it on email (voice recognition technology on Comcast), and I can't bring myself to listen to it.  She berated herself for not letting me help her more.  :(  Sooo, I am anticipating that she will follow through on more actions this weekend to get things taken care of for her move...at least, I hope.  :)  I think the sad thing is that, physically, I see my mom, but mentally, she is not all there.  So in some ways, I grieve the loss of my mother, since I still see her, I do not grieve the loss.  Bottom line - I enjoy my moments with her.  Karla, my mom is 3 hours away.  It would not be good for her to move away from where she has lived for the last 40+ years of her life.  She will be living across the street from her ballroom dance venue.  Jean, thanks for the acknowledgement of being the good daughter.  At this moment, I am (somewhat) relating to Susan Boyle, but I know that I am doing the right thing and that I won't regret having done this.  SJ, I will have to check out that movie again.  That makes me smile.  Once the stress of getting both mother and daughter moved is mostly over, I hope to try to swim again (e.g., I hope that the pain in my trapezius calms down.)  ELC, I will have to look into the visual cueing...good for you on the bike...my knees are bad, too, and I anticipate knee replacement surgery one day since I already have significant pain.

I think that I have fallen back into codependence with my mom and daughter.  So I texted dd last night, telling her to investigate driving classes so she can get her license.  I told her to have her boyfriend teach her how to drive (he has a car) and to get her license.  I didn't remind her of the consequence - taking the bus to and from college which will add on significant inconvenience to her day.  Gee, perhaps I spoil her too much.  She IS going to have a nice townhome to live in.  :(  Or the consequence is that I "kick her out.'  <sigh>  She gets good grades, stays out of trouble, and is excelling at her job...and she is paying her own rent this summer while taking summer school classes.  So, I indulge her in the townhome and "carrot" of the car.

Work today, massage tonight, packing to see my mother after work tomorrow...

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 8:54am

FSN, are you in a support group for people w/ loved ones who have Alzheimer's?  I'm thinking it might be helpful for all your going through. My MIL has it and the frustrating thing is no one is really dealing w/ it other than the immediate. I've asked my husband if there are plans and he said no. It's not my place to take over since it's his family but I think they all need to do more than hope.  With your daughter, if she doesn't get her license, she has to deal w/ the consequences so I'd just let it go. If she is okay w/ taking the bus, then she doesn't need a license.  I think they finally get it when they want to get it.  It's so different from when I was a teen and that's all everyone wanted. 

I'm teaching a class this morning and then being dance recital mom the rest of the day. So looking forward to the end of this! 






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 9:39am

FSN, knowing that you're being/feeling co-dependent is half the battle.  If you were going to keep the condo anyway and she's paying rent, you're not helping her *too* much.  My mom got parent loans for me for college and as soon as I graduated, she pretty much threw them in my lap and said "here ya go."  Tongue Out  I agree with Jean about the support group.  I think that would be really helpful.  You're in kind of a grief limbo right now.  You've lost some things yet you still have others.  Some might call that lucky but I think it's a tough place to exist.  

Fingers crossed that solar installation is finished today.  Before they hook it up, they have to cut our power, then a city inspector has to come out and make sure it's correct and then the power can be turned back on.  It will likely take several hours for the inspector to show up.  So, it's likely we'll not have power for several hours today.  I have hopefully timed my day correctly in that I'm getting eletrolysis for my eyebrows and tattoo, getting my injections and getting a blood draw.  It'll keep me out of the house for a while.  Planning to do cardio this morning.  I have quite a bit of work to do and am not sure when I'll get to it.  I'll probably get a bit done this morning but not sure how jazzed I'll feel about working when I come home.... especially if we have no power.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 10:00am
FSN, around the time my mother died, I guy I worked with lost his father after a long 'slipping away' time. We discussed that the actual deaths were not that sad for us because of how much we had lost before then. He said we were 'pre-mourned'. I really like that term.. I think I have suggested before to track down 'Erma Bombeck's column 'When did I become the mother and she became the child'. And I gently remind you that when you see her, she may not remember the phone call....I will tell you something a freind told my brother. The freind's mother has memory issues, and he said that if she gets upset when he visits, he just says goodbye, walks around a little, and goes back...and she doesn't remember he was there before and so is happy to see him...he is working with the situation he has. Sending you (((hugs)))
Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 10:26am

Thanks, everyone!  You guys ROCK.  I sent a message to the director of the alzheimers organization in my area, asking about support groups.  I read the EB article.  Beautiful.  After reviewing my post, yes, I am struggling.  Life goes forward.  Thanks for all of your words of support.  It means a great deal to me! :D

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 2:36pm

Fresh, my mother moved to my town after living in our family home for 46 years. It was NOT easy and sometimes I feel like she is pining away for her old way of life. It has certainly opened my eyes up to my own life and the fact I could someday be forced to move from my home to some strange unfamiliar place. And that is one of the reasons I think SJ may be right about my mother's constantly calling me to move things for her; she wants my attention. 

I belong to a local group on FB for job postings/resumes and today I was checking the group and saw the following message: Need a job ASAP Mcdonalds just fired me cuz of stuff going on with me with house arrest please let me know something please I really need a job! let me know please Thanks!

The person posted with her full name and contact information. I just can't understand what goes on in some people's minds. 

I ran three miles this morning and plan to take a day or two off. I've got a runners toe (black toenail) and while it doesn't hurt to run, it looks terrible. I've already got more than 110 miles for the month so I plan to just lift the next few days. 

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 6:35pm

So glad you took such immediate action, FSN.  I was just thinking how helpful it would be to have people who've been through it/are going through it and can offer support.  It's a tough road, even w/ all the help you can get.

Karla, I don't know why it surprises me what people post online but I am.  I do want details, thoug--house arrest?  What is the person going to do?  OTOH, what does a person do to survive if he/she is on house arrest?






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 6:36pm

Karla, nail polish is your friend.  I used to only do my toes for fun but with regular exercise (and just moving a lot), I've always got an unsightful toenail.  My toes are never not polished.