Wacky Wednesday

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Wacky Wednesday
11
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 7:33am

I'm really loving my new work schedule where I'm not training at 6am!  I'm back to doing what I was doing two years ago before I started all the early morning craziness which is giving advice to concierge med patients. To pat my own back, I think it's such a perfect fit for me.  A couple of days ago someone asked about posture and I went through all the corrective exercise specialist stuff with him. I was thinking I add a lot of extras to the job like that or cooking tips that most regular trainers couldn't.  All that said, I'm not working today.Tongue Out I am going to parkour and hope to add on to what I did last week. I'm really excited about it! What are you all up to?






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Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 8:42am

I've spent some time putting my "SJ List" of what I love to do together.  I think I will look on-line for jobs out there, just for the heck of it.  I have work today and linedancing tonight. 

DH and I got into an argument over blended family issues.  It was really ugly...all because I was emotionally exasperated after going to the Alzheimers meeting (saw tearjerking videos of patients and caregivers...3 hours of HBO special with Maria Shriver MCing) and NOT wanting to hear dss play the drums (dh knew I would be home when I got home.)  We made up this morning, but there lies the undercurrent of a rocky blended family.  It sounds like he is hurt that I don't love his son more, but I explained to him that DH chose that path when he told me he didn't want me to talk to dss (the way I do), nor did he want me giving him any parental advice.  Huh?!  At one point, DH told me he didn't want me talking to his son AT ALL about playing or not playing the drums/guitar in the house when I was home, so I had to text dss (unbeknownst to dh).  UGH.  He refuses therapy, but I told him that it was my opinion that our relationship is seriously comprimised without a professional.  I still "hold my breath" for dss to go to college, and still hold my breath some more until he gets a job.  He is the most unmotivated person when it comes to household responsibility, and I attribute that to dh's backed-off rules/parenting.  We parent very differently, and it sometimes sickens me to watch him let his son make so many decisions (e.g., for the last three months, he has ASLKED his son if he has time to finish paitning the dining room, which he started three months ago, and his son keeps saying, every weekend, "no, I don't have time,"...HUH?!  The parent in me thinkis that either dh should finish painting it and not pay him, OR give dss 2 weeks to finish or there will be a consequence - case closed!)  Enough of the vent.  I am not his parent, but I am subjected to the negative consequences of bad parenting...NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT.  I cannot bring happiness to dh...he has to find it himself.

So, I will focus on what I love - art, dance, yoga, dogs, helping, eating (although I don't like gaining weight!), family, and friends.  As for work, I love presentations (creating and public speaking), training/teaching, mentoring, learning new things, business planning, analyzing, and meeting/getting to know new people.  I will look on Monster and see what I find.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 9:51am

Jean, I so relate to loving not training early!  The last frustrating client was at 7:30 a.m. so I had to leave my house a little before 7.  Presently, my commute is about 25 steps from bedroom, to kitchen for coffee and water to office for working and kitty snuggles.  Funny thing is that this client renewed with my largest package and then I never heard from her again.  Her sessions expire in June, I think.  I've been prepared all this time to refund her money but I haven't heard from her.  Needless to say, I don't want to work with her again.  

FSN, I don't have any good advice but I commiserate how frustrating it must be to live with the consequences of someone else's parenting.  I do think you should go to counseling without DH because it will give you tools to cope with these types of situations as well as tools to deal with DH.  

Happy, I think that antique job sounds so perfect for you!  (Aside from armchair psychologist, of course.)  And to answer your question about Burning Man, DH and I are alternating so we take turns going to the regional event (where I went last week with Brazil) and the main event (where he will go in August).  Senior kitty is getting a bit more emotionally needy so it's more important now more than ever to have Mom or Dad with him.  

Karla, I caught that you pulled a muscle?  Bummer!  Undecided

Re: the conversation about alcohol and salons, I am always offered wine when I get a pedi at my salon (not when I get my hair done though - perhaps fumes + wine is no bueno?)

Having frustration with the doctor at the moment.  Finally heard back from my doc on the scan.  She says there is a small spot of pnemonia on my lungs but the antibiotics the doc prescribed a few weeks ago "should" take care of it.  I ask about valley fever and she says there is nothing in the doctor's report about valley fever.  OY.  THAT'S WHY I GOT THE SCAN.  She asks the doctor and then calls me back and says it's negative on VF.  She said if I still don't feel well, I should come in and be seen.  I had an appointment for next week but I moved it up to tomorrow evening.  I figure that's easier than playing telephone with the doctors.  I don't feel awful but I don't feel great either.  

Plan today is working freelance projects and resumes.  It's going to be lovely outside (highs in the mid 70's) so I'm going to work on the cleaning the trailer.  I'm gonna say right now that I'm sick of cleaning that sucker when I'm sick.  Tongue Out  I did it after BM last year and I'm doing it now.  

I'm taking exercise completely off the table until I see my doctor tomorrow.  I can still "feel" my lungs so I'm going to play it safe. 

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 9:51am

Fresh, my husband and I have 4 children and have been together for 30 years and we still fight over our kids because we both have different ideas of what should and shouldn't happen with them. In my opinion he is a meddling nosey nellie when it comes to our adult children and he says I am not concerned enough. I don't even have enough space to type out all our differences in how we think our teenage daughter should be treated.  Neither of us is going to budge on our opinions so I guess it is what it is. You would think after all these years we would agree on certain things but we don't and probably never will. 

We are expecting record heat today (after our record winter I am so beyond happy about this) and I am going to get out and take as long a walk as my leg allows. 

I have to babysit this evening as my daughter has a final exam so I probably won't get a whole lot else done today. 

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 3:31pm

FSN, it's too bad you can't all to go therapy but it might be something you can discuss w/ your therapist?  I might have talked about this here but my sister went w/ her extended family and it was incredibly helpful. You seem like my sister where you have a definite idea of the way things should be.  She was frustrated by the behavior of her sd which came off as thoughtless.  But, what she learned from her sd's view is that she felt she couldn't do anything right in my sister's eyes.  I've felt that way w/ my mom--that rather than seeing what I was doing, the only thing noticed was what I didn't do right.  Also, I wonder if your husband feels guilt for getting divorced and won't enforce rules because of it?  It's too bad you can't all see a therapist. It would be so much easier to get to the bottom of it all.

As looking for jobs go, I'm constantly looking on craigslist, etc.  I'm happy w/ what I'm doing and happy w/ the pay. But it never hurts to be on top of things.  Keep networking and keep your eyes open.

GR, hang in there for that non-showing client!  Just another month and you can write her off.  How is an automatic glass of wine not considered part of hair dressing???  I'm surprised at so many do it and that more don't.

Karla, I think raising families together is difficult, blended or not. If only everyone were like the Brady Bunch! I still want an Alice.






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 9:09pm
Today's title brought back memories for me...my mother was the Recreation Director for our local Park Department(first woman to have that job) and part of the program was a different set of contests each week on Wednesday...egg toss, mummy wrap, watermelon eating contest. There were MANY categories and MANY ribbons given out...Wacky Wednesday started with a cookout..a hot dog and a can of soda for $1 (in New England, Coke, root beer, any carbonated beverage is a soda). When I meet people who grew up there during the 70's, 80's, early 90's, they all remember the fun they had and the ribbons they won...my mother loved children, and she had a special place in her heart for 'naughty boys'. She was a school secretary in the 'winter' (the kind who ran the school). She also worked at night for the Planning Board and the Board of Health, and since their membership changed at each annual election, she was the person most likely to know the 'rules'. She would tactfully guide board members towards the right decision. She taught my brother and I that we could obtain anything we wanted (not everything, but anything) if we were willing to work for it. I mentioned to my brother this weekend how remarkable and wonderful our lives are, and his response was 'we worked for it'. My mother (and my dad) set that example for us. I have been very aware of the Mother's Day ads this week, and I am happy to have a prompt to talk about my mother. So happy Wacky Wednesday!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 9:24pm
FSN, I am very pleased that you are trying out my suggestions...I would love to hear about some of the 'wildest' jobs that appeal to you. Gymrat, I am glad you are enjoying your career change! Jean, I think it would be perfect to be paid to give advice..most people don't even want it for free! FSN and Karla, I think it would be unusual for people to always agree about child rearing. I see with my brother and sister in law that he is more strict and she more lenient..until the kids push too far, and then she blows up at them...not often but still...my brother was away with the army so much that she had to do a lot alone, and I think she took the easiest route sometimes rather than make the kids help more...but the kids are great (says the adoring aunt). I do think blended families are hard...I have a full brother, a half brother and sister who are much younger, and what I call 'pseudo step sisters and brother' because my dad and his friend are not married. My relationship with my dad is good but not close...my mother got 90 percent plus of my 'parent' attention (and was our primary parent). I am not jealous of my half siblings, but my dad and his friend spend a lot of time with her family (she makes the plans and he goes along) and I am a little jealous of that...at 58....late last summer, I pointed out that I hadn't seen him much and he came to the Cape twice right after, so I guess I need to make more of an effort...but anyway, all families have their issues...it was a perfect day here, flowers and trees bursting into bloom! I went to foam rolling, lifting for legs, abs, then eleven painful minutes on the stairs...working towards 30 by the end of the summer....
Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 7:56am

SJ, that's a really special memory of your mom and what she did to touch others. I'll bet she never even thought about the future and how she would affect those who were involved.

LOL on the free advice. It's REALLY hard for me to refrain from giving advice.  When people tell me they're doing a diet or exercise and I know it's not good, I don't say anything but it's difficult. I never know if people do want advice or not.  I know some people want it but don't want to ask for free advice.  OTOH, w/ my husband it's challenging not to say anything. We even paid for him to see a dietician about high choleserol.  On the way out, he said she asked him why he paid so much to see her when I knew what to do.  He had to respond it's because he doesn't listen to me. These days, he's pretty much ignored what she said so it's not just me he doesn't listen to!






Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 8:13am

GR, you are right...I should be the "bigger" person and go to counselling to help us.  The smaller person in me is angry about that because dh says that I need the counselling which opens up an old wound from my ex who continues to say the same thing, and even had my son parrot that saying to me shortly after the last time that he lived with me.  :(  Why do the men in my life always tell me that I am the one with all of the problems, and my response is always, "It takes two to make a problem, and we are both accountable for the conflicts in our relationship."  Hhhhmmmmppphhh.

Kar, thanks for your words about parenting conflicts.  It's easy for me to chalk it up to "blended family issues," but I can see how that occurs in all families, blended or not.  I just think that consequences to positive AND negative behavior help direct people to where they need to be.  Jean, maybe your point about the stepchild not feeling like they can do ANYthing right is at play here.  I may sit down and have a talk with dss very soon to let him know how great of person I think he is, but ALSO, how I expect him to behave at our home (e.g., follow through with chores and responsibilities.)

SJ, the wildest jobs I would entertain is motivational speaking, training, teaching (junior college?)....I would rather do these types of jobs as a consultant, and not "fulltime," as I don't feel like putting up with the corporate BS.  I think I need to stop taking my current job "for granted," and I need to focus on the positives of this job -- the flexibility in not having to work IN an office with a manager "24/7" is the biggest benefit, and it pays well.  Still, it would be fun to take the psychology of selling or marketing, and use it to inspire other people IN corporate america to be better managers, salespersons, or whatever.  It might be fun to take the latest research and/or articles, analyze it, and come up with a talk to present to companies to inspire better leadership methods.  THAT would be amazing!  Hhhhhmmmm...something to stew on.

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 8:54am

The one thing I find w/ kids is that it's easy to catch them doing something "wrong". But, it takes special effort to compliment them when they're doing something "right". My husband is constantly complaining about what our kids are not doing, eg, my daughter w/ the dog. And, yes, there is more she can do. OTOH, when I start listing what she does do w/ the dog, it makes him realize it.  I never grew up w/ positive comments, only negative and I hated it.  So, I really try to catch my kids doing something "right" and let them know I appreciate it. Now, if I could only do that w/ my husband...Tongue Out I've been reading Gone Girl and other books about men who cheat and that seems to be the constant--the new girlfriend makes them feel good, like they can do the right thing.






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 3:24pm
Catching people 'doing something right' is such a great concept. I used to make a point of sending notes..individual and to groups, thanking them and pointing out when they did a good job...not just for 'big' things but also periodically to point out a lot of small victories. Many people mentioned that to me as I was retiring.

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