Thud on Thursday

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thud on Thursday
12
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 9:15am

I am back on the board via my iPad, since my pc seems to take me, spontaneously, to the ads.  So, I got an update from my lawyer...I have to appear in court on Monday which means I have to UPDATE all of my financials by Friday.  are you frisking kidding me?!  No, I have nothing better to do with my time.  Ugh.  I am SO tired of this.   I can't count the number of hours I've spent on this since my ex originally filled paperwork back in April.  Nooooooo.  So, you know what I'm doing for the ne t two days!

work today, court papers tonight, as well as some Dogtraining sprinkled in.

what are you all up to?  How is your shoulder/back, Jean.  it sounds bad.  Gymrats, so much work for your holiday festivities.  Karla, it sounds like you will be with the inlawrelatives.  And what do you have lots of prep for your upcoming trip?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 10:11am

FSN - It's a means to an end... keep your eyes on the prize.  And do something fun and/or  nice for yourself this weekend. 

Karla - FYI, I got a flurry of emails yeterday morning that were from the "subscribe" function, I guess?  They were quite old.  I only subscribed to a couple of threads and then stopped because it wasn't working.  I guess it works now?  Maybe?  

I have an easy day - no work at all and I'm home all day.  Taking care of a bunch of odds and ends...  Doing strength training this morning.  

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 12:34pm

Yes, I have tons of people reporting email notifications from days past. I just heard that yesterday and today were starting to come in so maybe it is working. 

I am so angry at one of the members of my group for my group projects. We were assigned groups and started the project on Saturday. There are 4 of us in this particular group and three of us have been working on the project which is due tonight and it is near completion. We have to proofread and that is pretty much it. So she gets on the group forum for all the class to see last night and says she hasn't been able to help out because she has the flu (yeah right) but she doesn't like our reseach and wants our group to rethink the project. I'm so angry I have just ignored her. The other two in the group appear to be doing the same. I can't imagine what she is thinking that she can just not show up at the last minute and we are all going to drop all our work and rush to change things to her way of thinking. Grrrr!

I have a paper, two group projects and finals left. I am trying to remain calm. lol

I got a great workout in last night so it helped!

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 5:53pm

That sounds so similar to a group project situation I faced, years ago, in grad school.  In fact, "the slacker" even went into the teacher's office to talk about the project.  Are you kidding me?!  I can't remember who it was, but one of the group members told the teacher exactly what was going on.  I don't know what the outcome was, and I didn't follow up (I was also 7 months pregnant and working fulltime on top of going to grad school at night, so I chose not to spend my time getting wrapped up in slacker's business), but I got an "A" in the class...

Karla, unfortunately, life is filled with people like that.  Unfortunately, many of them know how to "snow" people in the beginning, but after time, their behavior always catches up with them.  It's just annoying to the people around them who actually see what is really going on alll the while.  :(

I'm slacking, myself.  I should be working on these financials, but I am dragging my feet.  I am thinking of going to spin class.  Gymrat, I DID see some fabulous fabric for a quilt that perhaps I could start working on this weekend.  :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 8:33pm
I never liked group projects..to be honest, even today I am better at running a project than being a team member. I sometimes consult on a very specific part of a project, and I have to be do careful to just do my part and then step back...I think education today is more group and project based, which is probably good for learning lessons about real life than individual activities are...but I am glad I was educated old school... I spent most of last night pouting and sulking...I can't stand myself when I am like that, but last night I wallowed...I am definitely at a moment in time where I feel like I am giving more than I am getting in a lot of my relationships...but all I can do right now is move forward with my trip to Poland...when I come back I need to really think about where I am in my life, what I want, and how to be happy with what I can get...I am definitely in 'second year grief' from my mom...the first year, people are aware of your loss and reach out to you...the second year, the loss is still there, but others have moved on...I think this is normal but I am still feeling sad and alone a lot. Last year, I kept myself busier but this year, parly because the travel has been up in the year, haven't been as careful and others haven't reached out a lot either...and that feels like a loss too. I am definitely near a transition point and work and the gym are not enough anymore...just not sure what else I want to do to fill up the spaces. I think when I am away I will journal and write a lot and see what I can learn that way. I did go to the gym tonight - 18 minute bike warmup, lifting for shoulders, bis, tris, and abs. I signed up for Zumba tomorrow and I think I might go on Saturday too. The popular Zumba instructor left the gym, with all the drama that always brings...he was ok at Zumba, but there was something about the way he was that I didn't like...I felt like a lot of accommodations were made for him that weren't made for others...and it was inevitable that he would move on...anyway, I want to support the new instructors, one of whom I think is really good...and 'the Zumba b---ches' are not going to class...which I think is just mean...give them a chance...it's so funny to me when someone I think is only ok has an instructor has a cult like following.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 7:09am
I know about that second year grief. People tend to forget while it's still a very real thing to you. I've gleaned that you aren't a terribly social person but do you think a support group for people who've lost parents might help? Heck, even an online support group might be enough to fill some of that loss... to connect with others who are experiencing the same thing you are. I think you have a unique opportunity to, as you said, journal while you're gone and see where your heart takes you. How long will you be in Poland?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 7:10am
Pictures on FB are required if you start the quilt. :)
Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 7:46am

I empathize with you.  My dad died a few years back, and I struggled for a long time.  My analogy is that I stepped off the treadmill of life while everyone else kept going.  I think it will be six years next month, and I feel like I am on a plane of a different reality...that I never got back on that same treadmill...that life shifted for me.

for a while, I had a "happy scrapbook" where I any pictures, cards, magazine clippings, etc...anything that made me heel gWhenever many times, when I started to visit that "dark place", I would pull out that scrapbook and try to change that behavior pattern.  I think grief diff different for every individual, and yhave to to find what works for you. The journaling is a great idea, and your workouts surely help.  {{{hugs}}}

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 4:35pm

Sorry about your mom. In one of Anne Tyler's books, the lead character lost someone and said people thought he'd get over it in time, but it was more like losing oxygen where you feel the loss more over time. 

Are there any activities you enjoy outside the gym? You seem like someone who really embraces life and finding something where having an incredibly fit body might be fun (and ego boosting for all the work you do).  Sometimes fitness for the sake of an activity is motivating to get even more fit.






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 4:37pm
I will be in Poland for three months..not the best three months as I hear the words 'cold' and 'dark' a lot but it is cold and dark here too so at least it will be a different cold and dark. It s funny - in some ways, I am very social in that I like meetings at work, but I have never felt good about people one on one. I've done some therapy in the past, but I always work at accepting how I am and not a lot at changing. I think people who know me think I am self sufficient and in control, which is what I want...I seldom let myself need anything from someone else because if I don't get it, it is crushing to me. A good example is that a few years ago, I had foot surgery, and except for four days after surgery, I stayed alone in my second floor apartment for five weeks with minimal assistance from anyone. I think most people couldn't do that, but I prepared and I did it...there were other options but they involved a dependency I could not allow myself. I am sure that if I told my family how I was feeling, they would try to help me, but what I want (unrealistic ally) is for them to act differently without me saying anything...and that won't happen. My mother was the central person in my life - in ways that were not really healthy - and although in the years before her death I took some steps to prepare for the void she would leave, I knew that there would be a big hole, and there is. Last year, my focus was very much on my brother and his feelings - to not do things that would add to his pain and grief. And of course, there were things to do around her estate that took time. And in fact, a lot of my contact with my brother and his family were through her...they lived across the street from each other, and visiting her was visiting them, talking to her gave me details about their day to day activities. Now, I have little or no desire to go and spend a weekend there - there is very little to do and their lives are very busy - but we haven't evolved a different way of relating. And they do not miss me like I miss them because they are a full family unit. They do not think to include me or invite me..which makes sense because before my mom died, what I would do w be with her so that they could do things together...so they don't miss me. And I do not want to interfere with their family dynamic which is sometimes tense. The same is true in other ways with other parts of my family. In many ways, I do not exist or them separate from m mother. What I need to inure out is what I need and how I can fill that need for myself. It might involve group counseling, either for grief or some thing else. I guess it starts with the recognition that I need to change something...but the Poland adventure will be a change on its own, so I will experience that first and then see where to go next. You can probably expect a lot of these soul bearing, soul searching posts over the next few months...
Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 4:37pm

Ugh, group projects are a pain.  I'm too old to babysit adults.  I always wonder how these people function in life and then realize they depend on people like us.  Maybe you could all sit down and talk to her about it.  






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