Women, advice and empathy

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Women, advice and empathy
9
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 3:17pm

Have you all seen this video?

http://vimeo.com/66753575

I can see how people can find it funny but, imo, it makes women seem irrational lke we just want to emote about problems but don't want to solve even easy ones. I'm just too practical. I can empathize but I'm a problem solver. Which are you?  If someone has a problem and won't do anything to help, it just frustrates me.  I'm thinking this is causing problems w/ my daughter because when she complains, I try to solve it. She's starting just to not say anything.






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 9:23am

I'm an excellent problem solver so nearly always, I can solve my own problems.  But sometimes, I just want to vent and I want someone to validate that whatever/whoever sucks.  Wink

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 10:06am
I definitely can empathize with both sides here. I think that I am more of a problem solver than most women, but I also love to vent. In general, men always want to solve the problem and do not want to listen. There was a physiological study done, and it was shown that women have a stress release hormone that occurs when we vent. Men do not have that same stress release hormones. The hypothesis is that this stress relief hormone may explain why women, in general, live longer than men. This explains one difference, in general, between men and women. I still "bump my head on the wall "in regards to talking with my daughter too. She, often times asked me to solve the problem, but then she wants me really to just listen. On the other hand, sometimes when I offer solutions, she complains that she just wants me to listen and side with her. I think that when it comes to daughters, the mother simply cannot "win. "
Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 11:37am

LOL I found that video really funny because that woman could be my older sister.

I think I am a problem solver and unfortunately, my children always come to me to help or solve their problems. I realize I taught them to depend on me (and love that they do) but I really wish they would solve  more of their issues on their own.

Karla
Community Leader
WALKING
EXERCISE and HEALTHY LIVING

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 2:28pm

I need to stop being a sucky validator. I'm almost an enabler at work when people say they don't have time, etc. but when it comes to my family, I'm a problem solver,.  






Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 2:30pm

It's an issue w/ my daughter, too.  The latest was the whole dance thing. I should have just said, "Yeah, it's hard when other people get moved up and you think you should have, too" rather than trying to find a solution.  I think it makes her not want to complain. I do the same when she complains about what other people do.  I try to explain their point of view.  Just stop the whining already!






Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 2:31pm

I probably step in far more than I need, too.  I feel like Gloria in Modern Family, "I have all the answers but no one listens to me!"






iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2012
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 3:11pm

I thought the video was pretty funny.  I think a lot of people just want someone to listen.  However, most of the time when someone is venting, the other person just wants to try to solve the problem.  It's a natural reaction I think.  I also think the woman appears as the irrational one only because men don't express their emotions as much or as often as women do. 

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 4:47pm

"I think a lot of people just want someone to listen.  "

Yeah. I need to learn to do that.  Like this:

http://www.movieweb.com/tv/TE6vIHGqC2iYa6/phils-feminine-side






Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 7:46am

Okay, I've realized what bothers me about my husband giving advice. It's always the obvious, as if I wouldn't think about something so simple.  Or, as my client told me, when she said her daughter's pediatrician that she'd tried everything she could think of for her daughter and he suggested she get her daughter to move more for weight loss, "That's ALL you've got???"  Yeah.