Advice needed re: nosy friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Advice needed re: nosy friend
5
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 9:23am

I have a friend whom I enjoy but find I can't spend large amounts of time with because she really starts to annoy me.  Therefore, she is not really on my "short list" when I organize small groups to do things.  Unfortunately, she apparently feels that I need to invite her to everything and if something comes up that we attended that she was not privy to, she will make a comment or ask why she wasn't invited.  

This past weekend at the concert, we met up with 3 friends.  One of them is the person I would consider my best friend and we were talking about the food festival we'd gone to last weekend (which included my DH, OP, best friend's partner and another friend - very small group).  Nosy Nancy said "I didn't get a phone call about that..."  AWKWARD.  

It makes me so uncomfortable when she does this.  My response was to pretend to be busy on my phone while best friend said "I think we made these plans a long time ago...." and then proceeded to change the subject.  

I KNOW Nosy Nancy does things all the time and doesn't invite me (which is totally fine).  What I don't understand is the "entitlement" she seems to have when it comes to my social life.  I'm fairly sure part of it is that she's single and she's one of those people that doesn't do "alone" very well.  She has social engagements (sometimes multiple) nearly every day.  It's gotten to the point where I find myself having to walk on eggshells around her simply to avoid an awkward moment.  There are 4 of us girls getting together Friday night for a girls' night.  All of the girls plus Nosy Nancy (plus about 10 other people) will be at my house Saturday evening for a game night so it's entirely possible it will come up.  Oy.  

I would appreciate suggestions on how to handle her/what to say.  I really don't do "awkward" very well. 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 10-17-2012 - 7:54am

First, I think it was awfully nice of you to invite her to your home.  Second. you only have control of your own behavior, and it sounds like no matter what you do, she is going to be annoying about it because she has that entitlement behavior...which may stem from insecurity.

The question is what YOU need to do to make YOU feel ok with the entire situation.  Options include:

  • 1.  "letting it go" by going forward as it has been going, although this seems to be bothering you
  • 2.  confronting her by just telling her you don't like her comments and asking her to stop
  • 3.  something inbetween the latter two options

Like I said earlier, I think that Nosy Nancy is going to be abrasive with further uncomfortable behavior no matter what you do.  

Community Leader
Registered: 04-05-2002
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 3:41pm

I don't do awkward, either, and you're much more patient about not wanting to make her feel bad.  I'd probably just say, "We needed to keep in small so couldn't invite everyone.  You know how crazy it can get organizing big groups"  It is odd that she'd do things w/out you and expect to be included in everything you do.  Maybe I've gotten older but I can't handle people who are all about themselves and tend to back away from them.  I'd feel bad for her if she were new or lonely but that doesn't seem to be the case.






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 4:52pm
Thanks guys. I think it's probably verging on time to say something. And because I am a really bad person, sometimes I knowingly post things on my friends' FB pages re: things we did or are going to do because I know she will read it.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 10-19-2012 - 8:29am

lol.  You are doing what some of "us" secretly want to do.  That's like the few neighbors that I don't like - we want to have a neighborhood party minus a couple neighbors.  We've decided that we have to compartmentalize (sp?) by "softball group", those-who-live-on-XX-street, etc. for future parties.  :O

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 10-19-2012 - 9:23am
That's a great, political idea. :) Although admittedly, sometimes I can't be bothered with politics.