? about life...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
? about life...
5
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 1:58pm
I am going to try and ask a question and I hope I do not come off as a babbling fool... do you ever have days when you wondered what your purpose in life is?? whether you have chosen the right path and wonder if you should do something else?? the reason I am asking this is because I recently moved to a small town and there is nothing here and I do mean nothing....there is a Y here but i have not been able to get over there cuz of whatever, there is only a small library which has limited hrs...I am miles away from my sounding boards (mom and sister - thank god for the internet) there is no money for me to do anything for myself...we are trying to catch up on our bills cuz some of our mail got "lost" along the way and that was a nightmare....I know it is overwhelming to say the least but what am I suppose to do in the meantime?? I have been doing my walks but for the last week we have had really cold weather (colder that I am used to) so I have been stuck in the house....of course, me being "mommy" I cannot go anywhere to visit without "checking" with my dh to see that the younger kids will be "fine" without me...we just finished Xmas and yes it "was lovely" but I did not get to any of the shopping which usually helps me to get in the Xmas mood...it was just not fun for me this year...do not suggest a church cuz I have not been to a church in about 30 yrs...if I could just meet up with some people it might be ok to do but for me to "go and meet people" at a church I tend to be shy and sometimes wish I did not come in the first place.... I know I may be all over the place here but I am kinda stuck in a rut...I just feel like I am living in shell and do not know what to do with myself....my dh does not talk or do anything with me, my kids do their own thing, and I "know nothing" (teens are at a stage where they know it all) I try to do things for my kids but they just destroy everything and make my time for doing these things worthless... I was even contemplating about moving back to my previous town with the kids cuz they miss friends/schools, I miss my mom, but I know it is not possible moneywise...and I also know if I go back I will be doing this on my own without the dad and that would be simply crazy ...my 2 older boys quit school cuz they hated the school as it has limited resources for their classes....my oldest needs his SLD - students with learning disability program to help him with his classes....and the other one is kinda shy but if his brother is not going why should he??? I am hoping someone can help me out here I just do not know what to do anymore.... or maybe just to "snap out of it" I just have no one to talk to here I am thanking you in advance for any kind of response, Susan
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 6:00am

Hi Susan,

((((hugs))))

I am so very sorry that you are finding yourself in such a tough situation. A move is always difficult - I've done that more times that I want to remember, and most times I've had to move to another continent - and it always takes more than we'd like to get adjusted. You do not sound like a fool at all, my friend. Winter is also not an easy season to deal with, especially if you don't have places to go or friends to be with. People tend to stay in more during the winter, so it's not easy either to meet people.

First of all, have you tried Skype? Since your mum and your sis are both computer users, then Skype is something that you can use to communicate with them for free since Skype to Skype calls are free. If you all have a webcam, you can also do video calls, which is even better. I've done a few video calls with friends and with the daughter of my late friend. She lives in another country, so this has been really great - one day she played the guitar for me, and as we talk she sends me photos of her friends, or sends me poetry and other things that she's written. It's not the same as meeting in person, but it's much better than nothing. And did I say that it was free? Very important when calls don't come cheap!

Second, I think that it's normal for people to evaluate their lives and the decisions that they have made. We are constantly evolving, and our interests and needs also change. Where once your main purpose in life might have been to be 150% there for your children, now that they are growing up and having their own activities, you have more time on your hands and are wanting to find something else to do.

It's great that you have been taking walks and exercising! Does thelibrary in town have exercise DVDs that you can borrow? That way if the weather is too cold outside, you can still do something inside. I recently got myself one of Leslie Sansone's DVDs from her Walk Away the Pounds series, and I am trying to get a routine going. Another good source for DVDs at a cheaper price is eBay. Hopefully once the weather gets warmer you'll be able to go outside.

What hobbies and interests do you have, Susan? Now would be the time to maybe go back to these or to learn something new? Sometimes there are free courses online that you can take. These pretty much are starter courses, but it can give you an idea whether you would want take a more in-depth study later on. Are there any places where you can volunteer in town? What about volunteering at your children's schools for a few hours a week, or at the library? It's a good way to eventually meet people. The Y would also be a good place. Does the town have a community center? Or maybe a nearby town has one?

Have your sons begun with homeschooling yet? I remember that you told me that they were going to start with this?

When we were teens, my mother started writing. It had always been something that she wanted to do. Writing for her was perfect - she determined what her writing hours were, and it didn't get in the way of her other obligations, either. She worked from home, which meant that most of the time she was home when we would get back from school. She persuaded one then two newspapers to publish her articles on a regular basis. Maybe writing is something that you can do even if it's not for the purpose to be published. You can start writing the history of your families - your own and your husband's? If your passion is cooking you can start writing a cookbook of favourite family recipes, with anecdotes and stories about the family? It's something precious that your children will appreciate later on when they are older. Maybe it's a project that you can do with your mom and sister?

If your hobbies are more to arts and crafts, have you thought of selling your creations on Etsy? It could be a way for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 8:58pm
I thank you for taking the time to answer me...I will try to answer some of your questions.... skype - my sister works on computer all day, and does not like sitting on the computer all evening when she has things to do to "get ready for work tomorrow" - she is always "busy" but if she really wanted to she could probably find the time....my mother is limited with her internet savy stuff that she would soon talk on the phone...but you just never know, I could pass that idea on to my sister.... hobbies - I have been busy with my family duties, I am not sure what I would like to do but I have limited vision and I am not sure how much longer I will be able " to see" I know there are people with limited vision that have "no boundaries" but I just need ideas that I could look into and see if I like doing these things and how much it would "cost" me...I am limited with my finances..... my sons have not started on their correspondence course simply cuz "they don't want to" but I have let them know that I am disappointed and that "they promised" to do the corr courses but what can I do...they keep talking about going back to previous place but how are they going to do that - we are in no position to help them financially .... as for my helping out at the school as a volunteer...they do detailed background checks (which I have no problems with) but I also need to have a drive which I cannot do here cuz I do not drive, we are a one car family and my dh is always busy with work that I can not bother him at work to drive me to the school if needed you are on the money when you say I "seem" to be re evaluating my life/goals....but I just seem to be stuck and do not know what to do now....almost like when the kids are leaving the house, and mom will say "now, what the heck do I do??? I hope someone can post some other ideas or just give me your take/opinions on my post... thx for posting libelulle....muchly appreciated... Susan
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 9:17am

Susan, I apologise - I'd forgotten that you have limited vision. I'll keep this in mind as I think of things that might be of interest to you.

I found this article about virtual volunteering. It was written in 2007, but it's still a good article and there are some good links there. This is another article with a checklist that will help you see whether virtual volunteering is for you or not. If you are interested in virtual volunteering you can also to Idealist.org and Volunteer Match in addition to the sites mentioned in the first article.

Whilst going on my monthly visit to the AARP website (nearing the age where I would qualify, but not yet. It's a good site the good ideas, which is why I like), I was reminded that they have a Personal Growth category, with Personal Growth and Transitions as two of the four sub-categories. They currently have a mini course on Expressive Painting, which I really want to do (getting back to art has been on my To Do list for a few years.) They also have this article on "How to Learn Just Anything Online - for Free" ~ not only free but also from great institutes, too. The courses won't get you a degree but it'll allow you to audit different kinds of courses, which will help you determine where your interests now lie.

Going back to art - if that is one of your interests - one of the things I am starting to read & do right now is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It was recommended to me by a friend of mine when I told her that I have a lot of angst about writing and designing. She used it when she was writing her dissertation and she said that it helped her a lot. Check it out on Amazon to see if it is something you'd be interested in, then check with your library if they have a copy of it.

It's the middle of winter now, but would you be interested in planting a garden of some sort (flowers? Vegetables?) when the weather is warmer? I know a lot of people find this a very rewarding activity.

It's perfectly okay to take time to explore what your new interests and activities could be... and to use us as a sounding board! Perhaps the first step is to banish "I am stuck in a rut" thoughts and start reminding yourself that 2011 is reinvention time ~ all doors are open and opportunities are possible! I have a feeling that once you get going your older sons will also start doing their things, too. If you decide to follow a course, maybe the three of you can study at the same hours and support and encourage each other!

PS: I've set the font size to 12. Would it help you if all my posts on this whole message board be set at this size or to 14? Let me know!

~ Poppy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sat, 01-08-2011 - 4:44pm
I have no problems with reading this size font on the internet...so far so good as for my reading on the computer...(knocking on my head)...I think I just need to get out for a few days....I have concert that my sister and I are going to ....Heart - Anne and Nancy Wilson on Feb 3 and i told my dh that I "needed" to get away for a vacation and of course he starts with but, but, but....my heavens the kids pretty well fend for themselves and they know what to do, we are just here to keep them in line ...lol but I am so looking forward to this....can't wait...maybe this time away will give me some ideas of what I can do...

Susan
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 1:47am
Woohoo!!! You'll have to tell us how the concert goes. Nancy and Ann Wilson rock! And good for you for putting your foot down when your husband started saying but but but: there will always be a lot of buts in life and sometimes a mom has to take care of the woman that she is. As you said, your kids can fend for themselves and they know what to do. Dad can also be there with them to make sure that all goes well.