Changing who I am?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Changing who I am?
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 4:36pm


I'm not sure how to explain what I'm feeling but let's see if I can try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 9:53pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 10:33am

Hi Michelle,

Everyone in this world has their fortes. Have you figured out what your fortes are? These are not only skills such as speaking 7 languages and being able to cook a gourmet meal for 6 out of one egg and three carrots, but also important soft skills such as being emphatic, being a good listener, able to keep calm in face of a stressful situation, etc. Ask yourself what your overall skills are, but also ask your family and friends - what they tell you might surprise you in a good way!

Once you know what you are good at, you can build your self-confidence from there, knowing and accepting that you are exactly who you are supposed to be at this very moment and that each day you become more of yourself in the best way possible because you've learned from your experiences. All of us are constantly changing and evolving! I know a lot of people who didn't go to college but are self-assured and poised, and I know a lot of people who have advance degrees who are still insecure about themselves.

On the days that I need some support in the self-confidence and self-esteem department - because all of us need this on a regular basis - I listen to a guided imagery for self-confidence. I also do things that help me stay grounded, so that I can silence those little voices that say that I am not good enough.

Please know also that there's isn't one good way to react to a situation. A lot of times there's an "ideal", but I've yet to meet anyone who reacts ideally at all times. How we react can be the sum of so many little things including whether we're having an good day or an off day. Have you thought about where your personal and emotional boundaries lie, and about the different kinds of relationships that one might have with other people? Think of the different levels of friendships are concentric circles, with you in the very middle, the innermost circle. The second innermost circle are for those who are closest to you. These are people you would gladly bail out of jail in the middle of a winter's night three counties away. These are people you know will be there for you no matter what. There are not a lot of these people, and that's normal. The next level are for good friends - you might have more of these. You spend time with them, spend time with them, you might talk to them about certain things but you don't bare your soul to them on everything that is happening to you. You go on with the levels until you get to that of passing acquaintances - we've got tons of these. For each level, define where your boundaries are, what you get from the friendship (or what you expect), what you bring to the friendship, the level of trust, etc. Put some names of people at the different levels - it's an interesting exercise to do every so often!