Life!!! (tried other board but no replies)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008 Life!!! (tried other board but no replies)
Tue, 09-02-2014 - 1:43pm


I dont know how to explain much but lately feeling like I am stuck in the middle of life.. Me being 60 I cant seem to figure out where to go or what to do ? I must have written this before but since I turned 60 I am feeling more  sad and depressed .. With no significant other and being alone for 5 years without a relationship is making me feel so down on myself. I do meet up groups and go out but lately not so much and  I am feeling so aged out of things .... Same as so many other things...... I live with family and dont like it but when I try and move something comes up.. On limited funds and debt no one will rent me an apartment so I feel I have no idea if I should go to a 55 and over in which I really cant afford those places as I live on small pension and taking savings out of a retirement account....for mostly everything I do or need......................No job at this time and I dont even know what I would do anymore... Was in travel and recreation but those jobs are gone and few and far between...............I became a housewife for ten years with only working part time and now been divorced for a very very long time.... and that part of my life is gone now........and been trying to fill in the gaps for years....

then I think well maybe move to where a job is or move to a cheaper area but I just cant seem to make the decision.. I know I would love to live in a nice garden apt. but cant afford it unless I want to drain savings and hope for the best in finding more income................Then I have to get furniture and everything else that comes with starting over..Low income housing there are waiting lists for years and you cant even put your name on the list until you are 62..............My friend keeps wanting me to move down South but I hesitate . Plus my son might have medical issues and wont see a doctor so I cry thinking he could have something serious ..but what can I do? He is an adult and I cant even help him because I feel hopeless and helpless........ I dont even have the motivation to find a friend or any type of motivation at all to do much..

I will be getting social security and if my ex passes away I inherit alot more money but cant wait on that?? LOL So do I depend on that???

So I guess I am at a crossroads as where to go, what to do , how to do it, etc.etc....who to do it with......

sorry I didnt mean for this to be a Debbie Downer post .. Just looking for insight and suggestions as to how people cope .........................

Thank You

Avatar for cmerin
Registered: 01-20-2004

Hi - Just wanted to offer some (((hugs))). I'm sorry you're so down and sad. :( I think anyone would be not knowing what to do. I hope you're able to figure something out to make you at least a little happier. Maybe look for a PT thing just to get a change of scenery while you figure things out. Best of luck to you!!

Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2012

Go get a part time job at a drugstore or restaurant. It will help you get out and talk to people instead of sitting around thinking about how lonely you are with no options. And even though it might just be minimum wage, the extra will help. Also, get out and walk. In every city I have ever lived in people take walks. And many people walk daily so get out there and establish a routine and get to know the people out there walking. You may not even notice them until you get yourself out there for a while but you'll find them. Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. There are things to do that don't require money.

Also, there is nothing you can do about your son. You have offered your advice and he won't take it so leave it at that.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

thanks for replying................................yes I have to keep looking for some type of work and yes I do walk . Been walking for years and never really ran into anyone who walked around the neighborhood... or if I did  some people I would see and they declined but will keep on looking..

to make it even more interesting I have been weaning off some medication and there are side effects and I have to watch what I do and all of that and hopefully its short term...

It did sound like I am feeling sorry for myself and I am ... tired of always being the strong person.. I would like to be weak for a change .. Is that a bad thing??

I just have to decide on what is best for me

thank You

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2012

I hope you don't think I was rude as I wasn't meaning to sound that way. Have you checked out the public library? Mine has many programs and is a decent hang out for older people. It's also free entertainment. You might also want to check into volunteer positions at the local hospital, nursing home or animal shelter. People always need help and something could turn into a paid position for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

No I didnt think you were rude at all.......................

well I have done the library thing and have run the gamut of voluntering and all of that............My main concern is trying to figure out whether or not to move and start over or stay here and continue on but I am very unhappy where I I dont know where I fi fit in............the library folks are very old and i dont seem to fit in with the much older crowd or the younger crowd.. I dont know what my peers do because  I dont see many of them out .. I guess they work and go home or have grandchildren and spend alot of time with their kids and other family members.. I dont have any grandkids ....

that is what I mean................ I dont feel I fit in to senior centers or bars or things like that..

There is a community center I could check into but it cost money.............but will check it out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007


The community center sounds like a good idea. They have a center in my state that is for Seniors and it doesn't cost them anything to go play card and Bingo a couple times a week.  There is a donation bucket but you can put a dollar in it or nothing if you don't have it. 

I opened your post because I am at a cross roads as well at 50.  Lost a great paying funds...concerned about making bills...I do have grandchildren..but the parents and I are estranged so I don't see them. I have a drinking problem.  I sit here today sober..but it isn't easy..being bored all the time....I didn't shower for 6 more and more depressed and lonely.  I am not sure about you applying for a part time job because it may affect your social security (unless you are collecting social security based on your age and not a disability).

You can volunteer if you can pick your mood up from the depression to feel motivated about volunteering.

I have thought of that. I vilage used to be a great support forum..but like you...I notice that there aren't many current posts.  Maybe finding a webpage that is for people 50 (plus).  I know also in my area they have a community page where they all do certain events together, cookouts, hiking, dances, could look for something like that in your area.  Type in the google community programs..start with that for your particular community.

Maybe consider some medication for depression?  I notice when I DO take mine my whole life prespective changes.  Get a small pet?  I was given a cat the other day and she has really lifted my spirits.