Is My Mom In The Way of Me Living My Life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Is My Mom In The Way of Me Living My Life?
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 2:32pm

Hello, for those of you who don't know this I'm new to ivillage, but very excited that I joined. So here's what I'm writing about: you see I'm not sure if it's ok for my mom to be in my life. I mean for one she just left me and my fiance at the Mall today because she had "more important" things to do than wait for me to get done with my interview for my new job, and see it is a 2 hour walk from the Mall to my house, and she knows this but yet she still leaves us up there. She never shows up when we have something important to do and she always tells us that we can rely on her and when we give her our information and time(s) she never shows or she's extremely late. Is it wrong for me to think that a mother is supposed to put her children before everyone else despite their age. And on top of things when I get home I try to call her and she forwrds my call each time. Then finally she answers...but she hangs up right after she answers. So I try to call again and she turns her phone off. I'm only 18 and I'm still learning how to do things in todays economy and I thought she would help me get on my feet but apparently she won't and I don't know what to do about it. Like how do I go about handling this problem with my mom and is she in the way of me trying to live my life with the way she's treating me and my fiance? What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 11:50am

First of all, it sounds like she doesn't really want to be depended upon ... so maybe your assumption that she will be there to help is misplaced.

Is she critical to your accomplishing your "making your way" as you put it? For example, is she your only means of transport? Are you expecting her to give advice or cosign paperwork or something like? If these are the things she is not doing, perhaps you should find an alternative resource...or have a back-up just in case.

CL for "

Avatar for theresa_winger
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 1:37pm

How sad for you.

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Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 2:17pm
It does sound like she could be doing more to support you. I think Carol's advice is good because it gives you something to do rather than dwell on your mum not meeting your expectations. We can say all we want that your mum should have done this or that, but it's not really helping you unless your mum agrees as well and changes her attitude and actions.

If you feel up to it, tell your mum how you feel when she treats you this way. It may not change the situation, but you've been honest with her. This isn't always possible to do so close to the hurt. You might need to take a step back, stop asking her to be there for you and later explain that you couldn't rely on her anymore.

Hope you got the job and things go more smoothly from this point!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 11:54am

Yes she is my only means of transportation as of right now and she was always saying that she was going to be there for me when I needed her and she hasn't been doing that so thank you for your advice I appreciate it a lot. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 9:56pm

I'm chiming in kind of late here.