Cheated

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Cheated
2
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 7:15pm

Ok before anyone passes judgement, I want to explain why I am here. My bisexual wife cheated on me a month before we got married. Part of what happened is that she was into men before dating me, and at times would crave having sex with a man, dildo's were too hard for her. Back in March, I agreed to do a threesome with her, and we started seeing a guy, but had rules. We were not to do anything without the other. I found out that they had sex, once with her permission in May or June, and then another 5 times becuase he would force himself on her. You may be saying, that's crap, but you have to understand that I believe her 100% that this man did what he wanted to do, because he wanted to do it. She would tell him "doors closed for business" and she would clench her legs shut and he would "sweet" talk her and sometimes would just continue even if she just laid there. She would cry after each time (other than the first) and he would say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" but would continue coming back. She started to get scared of coming home and having to deal with this guy on a daily basis (he became a roommate during all of this) and when I would come home for lunch, she would startle really badly in the middle sleeping (works nights) and I would come in to wake her up and say hello. I didn't think anything of it, and found out later it's because he would come in the bedroom in the middle of the night and wake her up to have sex. She got so scared to say no and would just let him do things because he started saying things like how he "hated" me and wished he could hit me, or punch me. She didn't want anything to happen to either of us (this dude is 6'4 and over 240 pounds. I found out about things happening between them because I discovered text messages between the two of them, and they kissed at a party and some girls told me about it. She said she kissed him because she wanted me to see it so that I could stop it sooner and kick him out sooner. I didn't see the signs, and thought he was just disrespectful of me, but had no idea of what he was doing behind closed doors. Eventually we got a restraining order against him and he left, and we moved on and are now married. Again, the restraining order and moving just occured about 7 weeks ago now. I know all of the story, more than I have said in this post, and am really wanting to move past the initial infidelity. She said she wanted to do it before we got married because she had been with guys in the past, and was really struggling with whether she wanted to be with guys, to make it easier "more normal" and to not dissapoint her dad. Have any of you dealt with this kind of "coming out" as a bisexual who started to date women, and how did you get past it? have any of you ever been cheated on by a bisexual partner, and did your relationship survive? This is a very unusual story, and I am not looking for anyone to tell me that she is lying because her story has never once waivered, and I have asked in varying ways what happened, and I believe her 100%, I just need help from someone if they are willing to share if they have experienced this as well. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012
In reply to:
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 10:34am

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Bisexual or not, infidelity is infidelity in my opinion. All relationships struggle under such circumstances. You'll have to decide if you can forgive and trust again in order to move forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2002
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 4:58pm
Cheating is simply I feel unforgiveable act. I think some counseling individually for both you to sort out these qu estions,emotions/feelings and if you remain together couples therapy would benefit both of you. I hope this helps.