Am I supporting or hurting my spouse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2011
Am I supporting or hurting my spouse?
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 11:06pm

I may be heading for a divorce if I can't figure this problem out. I need advice!


My spouse and I have been together for over 20 years. We have two children, 9 & 13. Live in a large NA city in what would be considered an affluent neighbourhood. We have been planing a significant home renovation for two years now which has included changing contractors, changing architects, losing a zoning variance hearing at the municipal level and winning at the state/provincial level.

In the process, one of our immediate neighbours (husband/wife) have done everything possible to derail our project, including lying to other neighbours, creating false arguments, and attempting to intimidate and bully us in to stopping our project. Because this issue is about my relationship with my spouse, please just assume that this is all true and our neighbours are, in fact, crazy.

Spouse's side:

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 11:22pm

First off, I have to wonder if there isn't some other reason they are fighting you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2011
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 8:22am

Thanks Coldfingers for taking the time to reply.

Yes, there are other reasons for fighting us. The fence and part of their walkway are on our property. And in order to build we would need to realign back on to the property line reducing the usefulness of this walkway for them. Also in their minds, we are negatively affecting their lifestyle by changing the view they currently enjoy from their property, on to ours. They enjoy looking on to our "lush gardens" as they call them, and that will be reduced after the reno. Also, they have a bedroom, currently occupied by a son that enjoys a view on to our back patio. That will be eliminated and will be replaced by a view of a shake shingle wall.

Thanks again.

Avatar for juliedean
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 9:34am

Granted, this is all very easy for me to say since I'm not the one living in your house, but I would recommend this:


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2011
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 1:16pm

Thank you juliedean for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2011
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 2:03pm

My gut (and your careful