Stuck in a Bad Situation

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Stuck in a Bad Situation
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 2:36pm


I'm writing to you guys because I need help and direction.  Things have not been OK for quite some time.  I moved to Chicago from Baltimore in 2007 to attend Graduate school. I would say that the first 1.5 years was an exhilirating experience but many of my friends graduated and got jobs before me as I started in the Spring and they had started in the Fall.  I spent the next couple years trying to be a freelancer and find some new friends in this city. I would say that things were going o.k. until about February or March of last year. I stopped looking for freelance work and became involved in a relationship that was bad for me...lost my apartment where I had been for four years and then it seems everything kind of started spiraling from there...I moved in with a new boyfriend while looking for a new apartment, in the meantime I stopped looking for freelance work.  Then after living in the back of a pet supply store with my then boyfriend I moved in with a roomate and that ended badly and was only there for maybe 3 months. I got my own place again...things seemed to be stabilizing in my life...though I was still with this boyfriend and was unhappy. I broke up with the boyfriend in June and continued to waver about going back into freelancing. I had money from a fund and you are probably going to judge me on this but instead of saving it I used it to provide food shelter while I looked for what would make me happier in life...I found that I liked making jewelry.  At the same time as I am discovering this, I am turning down jobs for freelancing, squandering opportunities to work in the field I went to school for and growing ever poorer.  My car was impounded by the city for unpaid parking tickets and my general life is pretty much in financial shambles now. Everytime I think about how to rebuild my life I feel it is too much and it just makes me depressed. (And yes, I have tried different medications but I don't like being on them, after all I didn't get much better being on them.)  I'm an unhappy person inside, I want to find my passion in life...I feel like I don't belong and if things keep going this way, I'm going to end up living with my mom.  I'm ashamed to tell my parents about how bad my debt is and about my car. I've been stuck in this personal hell for what seems like 4 or 5 years.  It seems life is just passing me by and I'm getting more and more into debt, losing everything that mattered to me and not getting anywhere. HELP!  How do I get out of this funk?  I feel lost in life and like I'm just not good at it in general if that makes any sense.  I don't know what else to do or who to turn to.  I'm on food stamps and don't have electricity in my apartment and my mom is helping me out with rent.  In a few weeks I'm flying down to see her... Did I mention I have a dog to care for and worry how I'm going to get through this with her.  I'm ashamed of my circumstances and I know that this is all in my doing. When I think back, I wonder how I let it get this bad.  I seemed to have stopped caring.  I'm not happy here (in my current city) it's too cold in the winter and would like to eventually move. I'm just stuck and need a clear plan to get myself out of this mess, fast.  Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 2:37pm

thanks everyone for the compliment..and yes good idea about the seasonal job.. They are in every state now.. One can apply in any state from where ever they are..

To the OP.... I was thinking again about the feeling of being safe and warm.. I would rather be in Baltimore than Chicago when the weather starts turning cold.. Sometimes the stark reality hits us like gee where would I rather be ?  I remember when I had to leave my exH who had mental issues.. I didnt want to leave my great big comfy house with all of the amenities and the comfy lifestyle but I was paying a high price for staying there and with him..So I left him and went to stay with a friend at first. It wasnt ideal and I had no money but atleast I had a roof over my head and warm showers and food in the frig.. and you know what?? I was safe and sound and snug as a bug in a rug. It was one of the best feelings ever and I knew it was until I could get back on my feet.. Eventually I left there and moved on but I am always greatful for that time of my life..  I didnt feel like I had a setback but I felt like It was the beginning of a new life and I needed help and there was no shame in wanting and needing that help...

take care

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 5:41pm

Freeatlast has indeed given you some good suggestions! You really have nothing holding you where you are. The Holidays and winter are coming... Go where it is 'safe and warm'. Where you are loved. The sooner you get to your mom's the more likely you might find a seasonal job, not in your field, but a job for now....  That might help you feel better about being at your moms and yourself.

Good luck and as you can see, we are here to listen, bounce ideas off of, etc. Post anytime!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 4:37pm

Freeatlast2008 has some great advice there.  I would say that the most important thing is that you realize that you are in need of help.  I agree that I would go back to my parents and ask if I could come back home. 

I think that I might also look for a therapist to help you figure out why you are feeling this way.  I know that I was going through a lot a few years ago and sought out a therapist to help me out through a really tough time in my life.  She helped me immensely.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 4:01pm

You know I am also a very independent person but there are times I really need to be vulnerable and to let go ..........

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be warm and safe.. Go, go back to your mom.. It wont be forever.. If you can manage to live alone and do all the th ings you have done then you have proven you can do it again and again.. No need to keep proving this to yourself..

Devise a plan and find out how you are going to make it back home. Start now and start looking at airfares or carfares or train or bus.. Just do it safely and stay safe.. Your mom is probably agonizing over this and if you go back to her she and you will be safe and warm even if its for a short time till you can find your way again. No shame in that...

Heck; I can probably be your mother and I have started over so many times.. Too many to count and I can do it again because we are strong women...........but there is nothing wrong with depending on others when you need it..................

Take care of yourself..................

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 3:06pm


Sorry you went and are going through this rough time but look at it as a huge journey you are on and you survived it all.. You are not alone and there are many folks out there like you .. You are not a failure but you took a leap of faith and a chance and you lived life on your terms..  You should proud of yourself..

Now for the reality... I would suggest that you go back home for awhile and live with your parents. It will be temp and you can get back on your feet.. There is no shame in getting help and being vulnerable and reaching out................ If not your parents then another family member.. You can go back where its warm and safe .. Take that money your mom gives your for rent and go back home and rebuild your life and start over......................

When you are done with being with family you can move again wherever your heart desires..would they take you back???