Delicate conversation

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Delicate conversation
2
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 12:46am

I'm wondering if any of you have had this conversation with a sibling: "what are your final wishes?"

I have one living sibling, an older brother who is 67. He never married, has no kids. It recently occured to me that I am probably considered his "next of kin" and could be called upon to deal with things when he dies, unless he has made other arrangements. (I have a dh and adult kids so he would not need to handle things for me). He does have a long time "lady friend" but he has never defined what their relationship is. He owns a home and some expensive "toys" so he has an estate. There are some family heirlooms that he had said would be left to my kids and niece (this said to my mom, who passed away almost 10 yrs ago). Hopefully he has it all in a trust with a trustee appointed, or at least has a will and an executor named. We are not close, see each once every year or two, and live about 1000 miles apart.

So I'm thinking that this is a subject that I should broach with him but don't know how. Any suggestions?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 2:14am

This is a delicate conversation. My friend of over 50 years just died last month. While I don't know the specifics of her trust I do certain things, like who was to get a certain house, because we casually talked about it. I also knew that when her cancer came roaring back that she had taken care of everything.

So I think the way to start the conversation is to tell your sibling what you have done to prepare for this time and then slowly the conversation can be turned into what they want done and whom they have named as executor and where their attorney is located. But it is a conversation that will require more than one talk because both of you need to become comfortable with the subject.

Is this how you would like to handle it?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 08-10-2013 - 7:12pm

I don't know how to handle it. As I mentioned, we are not close and we rarely talk so it won't be easy to steer a conversation into this topic. I don't really have a reason to tell him my "final wishes" because I have a dh and 2 adult kids who would be called upon to take care of things so no need for him to be involved.

I guess I'll have to forget "delicate" and just bring it up, saying that I need to know if I am supposed to do anything.