Long term care for elderly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Long term care for elderly
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 10:12am

HI Everyone. I am pretty new to iVillage but love the idea of talking to "real" people to ask questions that pertain to real life. I am dealing with an older parent that is going to need long term care and wondered if any of you are in some type of assisted living facility or have a parent in one. How did you decide on the facility-was it a matter of convenience, financing or something else? Thank you all for your help.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 4:54pm

I am not in a long term care facility and I have never have been. Thank you very much! But I did have my mother in one a long time ago.

There are many definitions of long term care from being in a hospital bed 24 hours per day to having a small effeciency apartment with services and meals attached. There is also a wide range of prices and services available. Board and Care homes for example are often available to people before they need 24 hours skilled care. So the subject of what your mother needs is a little wide to be able to help you too much. But you need to look at the services available, will they take whatever is your mother's source of income, what will you need to provide that they don't or will charge you for, what enrichment services do they available to keep her mentally and physically stimulated for as long as possible and a biggie to me, how does the place smell and look. Some others around here have elderly parents who are requiring a fair amount of care and I am sure that they will speak up too. Could you also tell us more about what your mom needs and where you live as that does make a difference.

Avatar for champagneonice
Community Leader
Registered: 11-15-2001
Tue, 02-12-2013 - 9:15pm

Welcome to i-Village and 60-Plus!! My mother is 95 and has Alzheimer's Disease. She still lives alone at her insistance, but she really should be in some kind of care facility. I've ruled out a nursing home for now, but I would like to see her in an assisted living facility. If you call around to various facilities, they will usually invite you to visit to see what you think. I used to work in nursing homes and there are really good ones and really bad ones. If you do visit a care facility, prepare a list of questions that you would like answered first. Then go from there - price, enough staff members, what the rooms look like, etc. My mother was placed in a rehab/nursing home setting a couple of months ago and the shared room she was put in had only a hospital bed and rickety bedside table. No TV, no telephone. I won't have her back there again under any circumstances.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 5:21pm

My dad lives on his own, he just recently had a birthday...eighty-one.

My sister found out he has been having some health problems and might need to eventually not live alone.

Both of us and our brother do not live near our dad.

He had to go to the hospital but he is getting some care right now at home.

It's a possibility he may go somewhere just for a "Trial" run but not too sure yet.

He is very independent and bottom line his choice his life.

It's been very hard as he lives so very far away from ALL of us.

He does not wish to move closer to ANY of us kids right now.

They are going to do Assessments on him to see if he's able to remain in his apt. on his own.

We are waiting to find out.

What is going on with your Mom?

How does she feel?

Avatar for cmkarla
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 02-18-2013 - 11:06am

Geri, how is your mother doing?

We've just moved my father-in-law to a nursing home because we could no longer care for him by ourselves. He is 84 years old, has dementia, is blind, and has been having a lot of falls. He recently fell and hit his head and needed brain surgery and we had no choice but to place him in a home. We selected the home based on location and financing. There weren't a lot of options to begin with where I live but thankfully the facility just two blocks from my home turned out to be a really good match for him. It isn't exactly the nicest looking place but the staff is friendly and helpful beyond anything we could have imagined and he is very happy there.

I'd recommend visiting several to check them out and observe the staff. We had my father in what appeared to be a beautiful home but the staff was horrible. In fact, they were so terrible that we decided to take him home and care for him ourselves rather than subject him to their nastiness.

Community ModeratoriVillage.com

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 02-18-2013 - 2:22pm

My dad is eighty-one still pretty active recently until he had some health problems.
I am kind of caught in the middle between my brother and sister...:(...
It's been difficult.
I talked to my Dad and he seemed to be in pretty good Spirits on his birthday.
He was happy I called.
I told him he could call me.
I am a lot like my Dad and value my Independence, he does to.
He is getting some nursing care due to some issues with his leg/foot which is good.
He is feeling a bit helpless and hopeless recently needing to depend on anyone else so his mood is not ALWAYS the greatest.
He might be going in to a place just for a trial.
I wish he lived closer but do respect his wishes to stay where he has been living.
Right now my older brother is upset at him...mad actually and my younger sister wants to do what she feels is best for him.
I guess I look at him a little differently.
He is an adult and I want him to be happy no matter what choice he makes or decides for himself.
It is complicated.
I really miss my Mom and I know he does to...:(...
I think he has regrets how he treated her and his kids.
My Dad has a Mental Health issue.