Power of Attorney?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Power of Attorney?
5
Sun, 03-03-2013 - 4:11pm

Are you your parent's power of attorney? I am about to be POA for my father-in-law and I'm a bit overwhelmed by it all. I am very honored that he chose me but the thought of making decisions for him has me a little stressed. Does anyone have any advice?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
Mon, 03-04-2013 - 8:16pm

Hi There! I just saw you on the diabetes board! I was the POA for my sister in law and so I understand how you feel. It mostly worked out okay for me except when my huband wouldn't understand that she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. I had talked with my sister in law and knew what she wanted and so that is what I sought to get for her. I didn't have a POA for either of my parents but both were pretty clear on what they wanted and so my sister and I were able to effectively manage what was happening for them.

So my advise for you is to talk to your FIL and make sure you understand what he wants and that he is clear about the consequences. If it is possible I have him put his wishes on paper so that you have that to guide you when you need it.

 

Avatar for champagneonice
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 10:24pm

Number one, have the power of attorney papers drawn up by an attorney. Have your FIL write down his wishes and be sure to know where its located. There's really nothing to it, so please do not feel overwhelmed. Apparently, your fil trusts you and that's great. I'm poa for my mother and I know what she wants, so she didn't write anything down for me. For example, she doesn't want life support of any kind. (She has a living will.) She trusts me to do what is best for her and all the decisions are mine to make.  Ask your fil about a drawing up a living will. That's real simple to do, also. I hope this helps and should you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to post again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 8:49am

I want to thank you both for replying. We have talked about his thoughts on life support, his finances, his wishes for his final arrangements, and I hope anything else I may be required to have to make a decision on. We have a meeting with a lawyer and he is putting his thoughts in writing.  

He has dementia and I'm concerned that at some point he may change his mind or forget what we've talked about. Have any of your dealt with this kind of thing? I don't want to have to ever argue with him but I realize it could happen.

Avatar for champagneonice
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2001
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 10:36pm

My mother has Alzheimers, so I can relate. Even if your fil should forget what he actually wants, it won't make a difference. As long as an attorney draws this up for you, there won't be any question. In otherwords, if your fil does not remember at some later date (my mother's memory is as long as about 10 minutes) everything will be nice and legal and it won't put an extra burden on you. As for an argument, my mother can become combative, but that's a part of the disease. When she has a bad day and all she does is complain and begin to argue, I just walk away. I refuse to argue with her because I realize its all a part of the Alz. Here are some great resources that may be not only informative, but comforting, as well. ((((Cotbpatsy)))) In Care of Dad http://www.incareofdad.com/blog/stay-at-home-mom-a-daughters-journal/ alz.org http://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-mid-moderate-stage-caregiving.asp Caring.com http://www.caring.com/slideshows/rudeness-to-aides-and-visitors Alzheimers Disease and Demnetia Guide http://www.helpforalzheimersfamilies.com/alzheimers-dementia-coping/guide/?utm_campaign=alzheimers&utm_medium=display&utm_source=caring&utm_content=text_difficult-behaviors_f_guide_alzheimers-channel Caring Bridge http://www.caringbridge.org/

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