Survival Mode...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Survival Mode...
Wed, 09-04-2013 - 5:47pm

A little back story first to refresh the memories... I am 59 female and for the last few years been living with my sis and mom since my divorce and still here.. Me and my sis have been taking care of my mom who came back from rehab .. She is almost 90...She has help but its been stressful to say the least..

Anyway; Its been prety good and of course ups and downs and I am greatful that I was able to divorce an abusive Husband and atleast have some sort of life after that.. It did hurt but I picked up the pieces and moved on..

Well now after a few years I am finally looking at apts. and other living places but nothing has panned out yet.. Its time for me to go and I know that..

So is just eating and sleeping and taking care of mom and pets and going out when I feel like it purely survival mode?? Not really sure if its depression or what but wanting something to change up and I just dont know what that could be.. I dont have a job right now and gave up on the volunteer thing as being with mom is enough for now...

Moving would help but its not happening yet so thi nking maybe a few days alone somewhere?? A vacation? A staycation? visiting friend in another state? How does one get out of pure survival mode or should I just remain here in this mode and wait for something and be greatful for all I have..

Anyone? Ideas??

Avatar for champagneonice
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2001
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 10:14pm

I can relate to your dilemma somewhat. I'm 67 and although I have my own home, my mother with Alzheimer's lives right next door and I'm her caregiver. I do not have time for myself any longer - all hobbies are on hold and I'm terrified to leave her alone for too long - thus we don't get out and about very much. So, I'm not very good at giving advice to anyone in your situation.We ARE taking a mini-vacation for 4 days, starting next week. We simply must get away and have time for ourselves. Our neighbors will look in on Mom every day and they will know how to contact us should they need to. It doesn't sound to me like you have depression, but I certainly wouldn't rule that out. If you feel you need to get away for a bit, do it. And don't feel guilty about it. Do what your heart tells you. When we have surviving elderly parents, I guess its up to us to see that they're taken care of properly. However, we shouldn't put our own lives on hold. I don't know what the balance is. Keep us informed on how things are going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 09-08-2013 - 8:54am

Thanks Champagne

I am listening to my heart and so I did a few things this weekend .. I attended a workshop I would never have attended.. It was different and very enjoyable.. I want to def. keep going to these as I met a few people and they were pretty refreshing....
Next I did some walking and bike riding which I usually do but that was to get out the extra energy I had..

Then there was a feast right near my house so I went to that but instead of walking bike road there so changed that up a bit...

Yep I think its time to just change things up a bit and see where that goes.. Not sure how to manage it but am up for the challenge.. Maybe take on things I have never done and try new things... yep try new things...

well yes and def. taking a few days and going somewhere would be really great even if its time out in the country and some new sightseeing...

okay lets see how long this lasts.. LOL....

hope your days off were great.. Y ou deserve a break....

Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
Tue, 10-08-2013 - 4:05pm

In my work with homeless people I used to tell them that they were stuck. Not a very good psychological term! But you don't know what to do first and so you do nothing. That is what I mean by stuck. So the answer is do something, anything but start! It doesn't really matter where you start, just that you start! You will feel so liberated. And physical exercise is a good place to start as it has a liberating effect. Probably because it increases your endorphins which are a natural high.

I am glad you started! Now keep it up and soon things will be really different for you.