Humor

Avatar for champagneonice
Community Leader
Registered: 11-15-2001
Humor
4
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 7:57pm

The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: champagneonice
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 8:29pm

Cute!! Thanks, I needed a smile!

Avatar for champagneonice
Community Leader
Registered: 11-15-2001
In reply to: champagneonice
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 10:48pm

You're welcome! :smileyhappy:

"Once I was looking through the kitchen window at dusk and I saw an old woman looking in. Suddenly the light changed and I realized that the old woman was myself. you see, it all happens on the outside; inside one doesn't change." ~ Molly Keane

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
In reply to: champagneonice
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:22pm

I got some great chuckles out of these.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>

CL-ladybug987

Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
In reply to: champagneonice
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 1:28am

This is when I want a Facebook "LIKE" and then a groan!! (