Anxious over past events...

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Anxious over past events...
10
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 11:10am

Anyone experience anxiety of past events? Something that happened that you just can't stop thinking about even though it's done with and happened eons ago?

A few years ago (I'm going to say it was 3-4) I was dealing with really bad anxiety and depression. I had taken my meds and conked out and missed the kiddo getting off the bus. I woke up to the school calling. I rushed over to the school to pick him up. The worst for him was he had to go back to the school and wait for me. I still rehash this over and over again. It keeps me up at night at times. (Obviously he wasn't scared from it, he's fine.) But the way the principal spoke to me was just unreal. I had hopped in the car and rushed over—the school was 20 minutes away without traffic. She called 10 minutes into my trip asking where I was. (Uhm, on my way.) She was telling me how upset he was blah blah. I get it. I do. But gosh. It wasn't like it was a continuous thing. It was a one time incident that hadn't happened before or after. But I still can't get past it.

Anyone else deal with anything like this? How do you get your mind to just let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2012
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 11:11pm

I tend to re-hash everything over and over again and it creates more anxiety.

I don't think you're a bad parent for sleeping through your kid getting off of the bus. You're human and you were going through something difficult. If it makes you feel better my mom has forgetten me a bunch of times and I survived. No one has raised a child without making some mistakes along the way.

When I'm re-playing things in my head I just tell myself that me thinking about it doesn't change the overcome and it just makes things worse.

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 11:15am

Thanks—and I'm so glad to know a) I'm not alone and b) you survived. :smileywink: I still feel crummy over it, but like you said, can't change the outcome. Now if my brain could just remember that. :smileywink:

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-1998
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 3:32pm

I also tend to ruminate over past events that can't be changed.  Certain ones in particular stand out and come to the surface time and again.

What struck me as odd/funny in reading your post are that some of the ones that stand out for me are not so much an issue because of the actual mistake, but the innapropriate response of someone else involved- such as your son's principal.  It is someone else's strong action/response that makes it so scary even in retrospect, and makes me fear finding myself in that situation once again. 


One thing that I've found is that I tend to get stuck on these type things when I am most tired and worn out.  A lot of times for me they simply mean that my mind is tired and getting stuck.  First of all, I try to rest more.  Secondly, I think about the other person's behavior and replay it mentally, noting what is inappropriate about it and asking myself to let them own their behavior- it is not the result of my action, but their own shortcomings/bad etiquette.  Sometimes it can help to imagine how the other person could have behaved more rationally or appropriately- to give yourself an idea of what a more civilized conversation might sound by comparison.  It can also help to go over what you might do differently, knowing what you know now.  You are very unlikely to end up inthe situation again if you preprogram yourself against it.

(((HUGS))

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 2:27pm

~hugs~

Parents are "Human"...Like you said, it was a ONE-time occurence.

It didn't happen every day.

When they phoned you came...end of story.

I went through this when my dd was hospitalized.

My ex took our ds and so he was out of school.

At the time we did not live in the same city.

The principal was "Freakin" out on me....I said the school already knew.

I could not be in two places at the same time, not possible.

Told him to talk to my ex.

As a single Mom I was ALWAYS worried.

Worried I would sleep in...

You could have been caught up in traffic, maybe had to stay late.

There are a lot of reasons a parent might be late...an accident etc.

Kids are resilient.

My dd left school grounds twice, once at lunch and another time before I got to her school.

So how responsible were they?

Double-standard!

For a long time I agonized over past events, now I am trying to let them go.

Nightangel
Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 2:11pm
1fish2fish wrote:

 

What struck me as odd/funny in reading your post are that some of the ones that stand out for me are not so much an issue because of the actual mistake, but the innapropriate response of someone else involved- such as your son's principal.  It is someone else's strong action/response that makes it so scary even in retrospect, and makes me fear finding myself in that situation once again. 


One thing that I've found is that I tend to get stuck on these type things when I am most tired and worn out.  A lot of times for me they simply mean that my mind is tired and getting stuck.  First of all, I try to rest more.  Secondly, I think about the other person's behavior and replay it mentally, noting what is inappropriate about it and asking myself to let them own their behavior- it is not the result of my action, but their own shortcomings/bad etiquette.  Sometimes it can help to imagine how the other person could have behaved more rationally or appropriately- to give yourself an idea of what a more civilized conversation might sound by comparison.  It can also help to go over what you might do differently, knowing what you know now.  You are very unlikely to end up inthe situation again if you preprogram yourself against it.

(((HUGS))

Thanks. And you're right now that I think about it. It is more the response of others that I ruminate over in situations rather than my own actions (though, I have done that "Why didn't I say this, this, or this?" thing, lol). 

Thanks for the info, I'll test it out when I start mind wandering again. :smileyhappy:

 

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 2:14pm
nightangel67 wrote:

~hugs~

Parents are "Human"...Like you said, it was a ONE-time occurence.

It didn't happen every day.

When they phoned you came...end of story.

I went through this when my dd was hospitalized.

My ex took our ds and so he was out of school.

At the time we did not live in the same city.

The principal was "Freakin" out on me....I said the school already knew.

I could not be in two places at the same time, not possible.

Told him to talk to my ex.

As a single Mom I was ALWAYS worried.

Worried I would sleep in...

You could have been caught up in traffic, maybe had to stay late.

There are a lot of reasons a parent might be late...an accident etc.

Kids are resilient.

My dd left school grounds twice, once at lunch and another time before I got to her school.

So how responsible were they?

Double-standard!

For a long time I agonized over past events, now I am trying to let them go.

You know, that's something as well. Because we had numerous issues with the bus being late (an hour or more) while he was on it and I was always understanding, etc. Then I miss him by 15 minutes or so and that caused a freak-out. I wasn't out shopping. I didn't just forget him. And, like I said and you said, it wasn't a daily occurrence. I'm just so glad he ended up switching schools after that year (due to a change in the program). 

Thanks. :smileyhappy:

 

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 2:19pm

And as I wrote that last reply I realized that the principal at the new middle school is the same one from that incident. No wonder I've been thinking about it again. It's been 5 yrs, but sure enough... ugh.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 8:01pm

:smileyhappy:

You are Welcome!

Nightangel
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 8:07pm

If it makes you feel any better, every single parent forgets their kid at least once and I'm sure there are many occasions that parents are late because the circumstances are out of their control.  

I fogot my son twice in the same year.  oops!   Once I simply forgot it was Friday and Fridays were half days.  I made a hair appointment and went to it and halfway through it dawned on me that it was Friday and I was late.  I jumped up out of the chair announced I had to go get my baby and would be back.  I was having my hair conditioned with hot oil.  I only had half a head done.  I went to his school like that.  He was last and they were going to call me but I got there before they did.  They were all very nice about it.  I felt like crud.  I felt like the worst parent in the world.  He was cool though.  He got to sit in the air conditioned hall until I got there.  I'm the mother that is always first in the car pool line.  Another time they had a half-day and I simply forgot.  I was at home doing my meditations when the school called me.  I lied and told them I was held up in traffic and I raced out to get him.  I told him that I forgot about the half a day.  He was pre-school when that happened.  He has never forgotten that I forgot him on that half-day.  19 years old and he still reminds me but he isn't scarred by it.  He thinks it is funny.  They gave him ice-cream and cake.  A teacher was having a birthday party.  He got to go to the party.  

I live where it floods when it sprinkles out and I lived over 45 minutes way from his schools.  I was only late those two times.  That's it.  Now I have sat outside of school waiting for my son to come so many times only to wonder where the heck he was because now all the other children are gone and he isn't out yet.  I have gotten out of my car to go hunt him down only to find he volunteered to help some teacher with something.  That's the kind of kid/guy he is.  "Oh, Mom, I'll be another hour, okay?"  (me rolling my eyes.)  I bought him a cell phone so he could call me to warn me but he never did.  He also wouldn't turn on his phone after the bell rang so I could call him to find out.  Well, at least my kid never went home with someone else without telling me first.  I know people that has happened to.  LOL.  

I do think that subconsciously you knew it was the same person and that triggered those thoughts and feelings in you.  When you find yourself thinking about it, bring it home or full circle as some say.  He was fine when you got there, you were only 15 minutes late.  He is fine now.  He knows you love him and will always be there for him.  

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