Anxious over wedding...

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Anxious over wedding...
11
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 10:36am

My sister's wedding is coming up and I'm getting super anxious. I don't know a lot of the people going. I'm the oldest of three. My younger two sisters are two years apart. I'm 4 from the first them 6 from the youngest. They run in a similar circle and live near each other (I'm out of state). 

I feel a) old, b) fat, c) ugly and it's all showing itself in panic attacks at night. Ugh. I just start thinking about it and it just gets out of control. :/ I have almost 3 weeks to go.

Then on top of it all, my son will be there and with his issues, I'm not in the mood for people to see how he acts. :smileysad:

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 10:17pm

Do you have to / want to go?...

Do they understand about your anxiety?

Can someone help you with your son?

Are they aware of his issues and understanding and supportive?

p.s.

I don't think you are o.f.u old/fat/ or ugly...:smileywink:

 

Nightangel
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 2:35pm

Hi, I'm a little behind here.  How old is your son?  What are his issues?

My nephew is getting married in three weeks as well.   I won't know too many people there but I'm not too worried about that.  I'm perfectly happy sitting at a table reading my book.  People are use to seeing me reading a book so they don't think too much of it anymore.  Her side is all Spanish, I don't speak Spanish, took it a few years ago in college but I learned it for the test and then it was gone.  How I passed the final is beyond me.  LOL!  My nephew's side is all Cajun and I don't speak Cajun or French so conversation is pretty much out for me.  My son will translate for me but he is in the wedding and I know he won't be around me much.  

I will buy a new book and sit and read it at the reception.  I have my own book light.  I'm good. 

My son, I'm worried about.  He will be walking the mother's down the aisle.  He suffers from anxiety and depression.  He is also a bit agoraphobic.  He struggles with that.  I run interference for him when he is in trouble.  When I do jump in, he is usually very grateful afterwards. 

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Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 2:06pm
nightangel67 wrote:

Do you have to / want to go?...

Do they understand about your anxiety?

Can someone help you with your son?

Are they aware of his issues and understanding and supportive?

p.s.

I don't think you are o.f.u old/fat/ or ugly...:smileywink:

 

Yes, I have to go. I'm a bridesmaid. Which I think is making it worse.

I think they understand to some extent but I don't let on how I feel about myself (my self-esteem issues). Or, they at least haven't mentioned anything and don't necessarily make my issues easier.

My husband will be there, but a lot of the time he's in denial about his issues. And of course he's not as sensitive/introverted as I am (or I sould say at all) so any shenanigans to be had won't necessarily mortify him as it would me. He's also walking my mom down the aisle so I'm worried about that.

They are semi-understanding. My son is very outgoing, but he can be inappropriate (unknowingly so). :/

And thank you, I appreciate that. :smileyhappy:

 

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 2:11pm

He's 11yo and language learning/communication disabled with Aspberger tendencies. Basically he's super literal and has trouble understanding appropriate social behavior. He acts younger than what he is. Has some OCD issues and ADHD. 

Basically, everything an introvert like myself shies away from, lol. WHICH is why, according to my old therapist, I have bad anxiety know. I've always been an anxious person—a worrier. But with him being so outgoing (and loud!) and with his issues (we've had knock-down drag-out tantrums in stores) it gets to be too much for me.

I'll most likely end up sitting with the baby (she'll have to be with us) so I may just bring a book or something too. :smileyhappy: I'm sure people will find it rude (I've had that happen to me in the past) but I love to be by myself and books allow me to escape into "that world" and forget about what's making me anxious in this one. :smileyhappy:


Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 11:18pm

I love books too.  I always have one on hand and now that I have a Kindle, I can really carry any book anywhere. As for being rude, I haven't gotten that but I have gotten 'antisocial'. 

My son is 19 years old now.  He has had anxiety problems since the age of six.  He literally was born a worrier.  He is a genius.  To be honest when they decided to test his IQ and the tests came back that he was truly brilliant, I wasn't the least bit suprised.  He use to take things very literal.  We went through a phase where he was unknowingly inapropriate.  I would simply guide him.   I would tell him his action was inapropriate.  In time he started to get it.  My son is also clinically depressed and has been that way since he was six.  That is what brought us to the psychologist in the first place.  We also discovered he had dysgraphia.  His brain and hand aren't really connected.  It was so frustraiting for him...and me.  His penmanship was horrible and the teachers knew he had dysgraphia and fine motor skills problems and yet they insisted he write neater and they would make him write page after page of letters and numbers and I would go to school and explain to them that those exercises would remain fruitless because he is handicapped and will never ever be able to write in a way that anyone other than me could read.  I'm not really an introvert but I am certainly not an extrovert.  I've often been described as shy.  Dealing with my son's issues and schools has gotten me past that, most of the time.  I'm so glad we are past those days and survived.  You will survive too.  I know you don't think so now but you will.  What I found helpful was when one of my son's many psychologists said, "I know you feel responsible for his behavior and actions and you are responsible for teaching him what is right and what is not, however he is an autonomous being and you are not responsible for what he says or what he does. You are only for dealing with the lessons to be learned."   He was right.  I am proud of my son and always have been.  And from that moment on instead of worrying about what that child was going to do next because he was also extreamly friendly, I started to see life with him as more of a challenge.  What needs to be learned for the next time.  If someone was offended, I did not appologize for him.  Instead, I would stop him and explain it to him in terms he could understand and then tell him the appropriate thing to do would be to applogize to the person.  I have to tell you, it worked really well.

He is a great person today.  Full of mannors and so polite.  He's quite charming now.  The term "aspergers" was batted around when he got to be around your son's age.  I was by then a psych major and knew that if he had aspergers he would have had it sooner than this age.  I consulted the head of the department since his specialty was children and he agreed with my assesment.  He said that parents are the experts on their children.  You might be taking him to see a specialist but you are the expert. 

Good luck.

 

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Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:44pm

Thanks, Karen.

I really feel that he's not on the spectrum, just has quirks that are tendencies of what kids on the spectrum encounter. I think that there are so many kids diagnosed today because the criteria is so broad. That's not to say he doesn't have actual medical issues. He does. He was very sick in-utero, as a newborn, and into toddler-hood. So there is no question in my mind that what went on caused irreversible damage. 

As he's getting older, he's getting somewhat better. I'm very lucky (and grateful) that his schools and teachers/case managers have been very good to him/us. I actually just got a call yesterday that they are taking him out of a semi-redundant class and putting him into a new class they are creating (along with other kids). It will teach them social appropriateness and all that good stuff. So I'm happy. 

I just really wish my anxiety didn't start running rampant when he starts doing what he does best, lol.

On a positive note—I went to back to school night and didn't have too much anxiety. Normal, run of the mill "I don't want to go" but once I got there I was pretty ok with walking around by myself, etc. No missteps that I was aware of. :smileywink: AND the teachers I spoke to seemed pretty happy with the kiddo.  They knew of him (as did some parents and PTA moms, lol) which always gets me a little anxious, but no one rolled their eyes or said anything bad, even if they were thinking it. :smileyhappy:

 

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 3:23pm

Aw, thank you. :smileyhappy: Amongst my anxiety/panic/depression issues comes low self-esteem. I am overweight, but my anxiety makes it worse because I feel like all eyes are on me and I'm being judged all the time. :smileyfrustrated:

As you said, makes it tough. :smileyhappy:


 

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:36pm

You are lucky to have a school that really cares and doesn't just give it lip service.  I still wish there were time when I didn't act polite.  As my son says, that's history mom, all we can do is learn from it.  Smart kid.  If I ever get a do over...

I think you are right about asperghers being too broad.  I also think it is the new ADhD.  10-15 years ago all the kids they couldn't figure out especially boys were told they were ADhD, now they have asperghers. 

There were times when I felt like shouting, they're boys, he's a boy and they are acting like boys have always acted.  I think some people forget what it was like to be a child.  They expect our children to act like adults, they aren't, they are kids. 

I wish you luck at the wedding and who knows, he may get lucky and not have any inapropriate moments.  Hey, we can hope. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 8:53am

Do not worry buddy,everyhting will be all right!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 9:19am

why are you worried about wedding buddy,Do not worry please,I understand your anxiety buddy.Its common thing to worry over wedding.