BBQs & Anxiety: How Do You Cope?

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
BBQs & Anxiety: How Do You Cope?
6
Tue, 07-10-2012 - 8:18am

With summer being in full swing for most of us, how do you handle BBQs with lots of people (if that type of thing bothers you)?

I hate being around people. I really do. I'm always worried about what they are thinking of me, am I doing this right, that right, am I talking too much, am I talking to quietly, and so on. Even around people I know. And at my own house! I feel really awkward.

How do you all manage, assuming you don't forgo the parties all together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Re: BBQs & Anxiety: How Do You Cope?
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 9:17am

hey - sorry for the late reply. i think if someone at my job wore the same thing twice in one week i might notice but wouldn't really care. they can wear whatever they want. although i don't think that's what you're really asking :smileyhappy: other people's opinions of me just aren't as important as my opinion of myself, so i can let them go. i don't have enough mental energy to spend on what someone else might be thinking about me, do you know what i mean?

i'm wondering, are you getting enough exercise and/or do you have hobbies/interests that you can work on? because i've learned that action is one of the best antidotes for anxiety. when i used to fret a lot, i would get busy. it really, really helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Re: BBQs & Anxiety: How Do You Cope?
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:56am

I haven't visited the site in a while but saw your post.  I am also hyper-aware.  I always know when I am wearing something again or if someone else is wearing the same thing when I see them again.  It just pops into my head - "oh, they were wearing that shirt last Christmas".

 

I am often anxious about parties whether I am going somewhere or at my home.  I have anxiety plus a lot of stomach issues - which came first?  Related?.  My big thing is worrying that I won't feel well at the party, I'll be tired, I'll have to go to the bathroom for a while and people will notice - It's ridiculous, but it's my issue.  I usually take a half ativan when I get to the party and then I am fine.  It doesn't tire me out, just stops all the thoughts.  I don't drink so sometimes I joke that the ativan is my zero calorie cocktail. 

 

I also try and focus on rational versus irrational thoughts as well as worst case senario.  Worst case senario is that I don't feel well and am either in the bathroom - big deal - or I excuse myself and go home.

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 8:28am
msbuzz1234 wrote:

I haven't visited the site in a while but saw your post.  I am also hyper-aware.  I always know when I am wearing something again or if someone else is wearing the same thing when I see them again.  It just pops into my head - "oh, they were wearing that shirt last Christmas".

 

I am often anxious about parties whether I am going somewhere or at my home.  I have anxiety plus a lot of stomach issues - which came first?  Related?.  My big thing is worrying that I won't feel well at the party, I'll be tired, I'll have to go to the bathroom for a while and people will notice - It's ridiculous, but it's my issue.  I usually take a half ativan when I get to the party and then I am fine.  It doesn't tire me out, just stops all the thoughts.  I don't drink so sometimes I joke that the ativan is my zero calorie cocktail. 

 

I also try and focus on rational versus irrational thoughts as well as worst case senario.  Worst case senario is that I don't feel well and am either in the bathroom - big deal - or I excuse myself and go home.

Ooh, interesting. I wonder how many of us do have stomach issues. I do. So I can totally relate there! (Thanks for putting that in my head now!) In all seriousness, if I'm going somewhere I'll take immodium the day before I go. Then I won't have any emergency moments while out. Yep. LOL

I'm glad I'm not alone in being hyperaware. I'd say I was probably always like that. My sisters are worry warts too, though one is worse than the other.

We were invited to a BBQ today and I'm trying to get out of it. I don't know the couple throwing the BBQ and I won't know anyone there. They are co-workers of my husband. They live really close by, but, ugh. Plus the fact that they both work at the same place so everyone there will know them both really well. And it will be like one big office party where I'm the outsider. :smileyfrustrated:

 

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 8:30am

See, I'm the opposite. As much as I don't want to be, I do put more stock into what others think over my own thoughts. :smileysad:

I do have activities but the thoughts needle their way in. The only true escape I have is reading. I love to immerse myself in a book. :smileyhappy:

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 8:58pm

I reached a point in my live where I no longer care what other's think of me.  I came to realize one day that no matter what they think of me nothing will change.  So now it's, Here I am, this is how I am and if you don't like it, go home.  Life got a easier after that.  

Now I am mindful to brush my hair, I seriously could scare little children if I didn't.  Phyllis Diller has nothing over me with hair.  LOL!   I only really try to please myself and some days even I don't care.  LOL!  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 8:02am
haha, i rock the phyllis diller look!