Constant Worry About Kids!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Constant Worry About Kids!
3
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 4:31pm

Hello, my name is Rachel, I have three kids and one more on the way. I've always been a worrier-I used to worry about everything under the sun from the time I was old enough to actually know what a worry was. Since I've had children, it's intensified immensely. I'm literally driving myself crazy worrying about their health. I'll wake up in the middle of the night just because I feel like I might've missed a problem with them during the day, and I have to go check on them all, then I go back to bed just to worry about whatever new problem I'm afraid might've popped up. Today is my 2nd son's 2nd birthday, and rather than having a fun day with him, I've been absolutely terrified that one side of his face might be paralyzed. He fell a few days ago and really busted his little lip, so I'm pretty sure the reason he can't smile fully is because of that, but one tiny thought about it being something more serious this morning has led me to an absolutely miserable day-which causes guilt because it's his birthday and I shouldn't be so crazy! I've actually got stressed induced tachycardia because of my worry, which has only made me more upset over the health of my unborn baby. My poor husband is at the end of his rope (so am I) and I'd love to know if anyone has any effective coping methods. I can't afford to keep getting my kids checked out for what turns out to be absolutely nothing-I'm sure the doctor rolls his eyes when I'm not looking. I absolutely don't want my kids to be sick, so I'm pretty sure it's not that, I'm just terrified they'll get something serious if I overlook anything, no matter how small it seems.

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 11:33am

I do agree that you should seek therapy because this extra anxiety is not good for you or your kids.  I can see when we have new babies, we're always going in to check on them, but usually by the 2nd kid, we get more relaxed.  If you think about it, most kids are fine except for the typical colds and stuff like that.  If you had a child who had a serious illness, usually it's not something that comes out suddenly and you have to get emergency treatment--those things usually occur with a fall or something and then the child will cry & you'll know about it.  And again, when kids fall down, need stitches or even break an arm, they survive!  Yes, sometimes bad things do happen--but most of the time, there's nothing you can do about it so why worry in advance about nothing?  Why not enjoy yourself with your kids when they are little and have some fun?  One they start talking, they will tell you if they have a problem or don't feel well.  Before they can talk, they usually cry if they are sick--if the kid is going about his business and playing & happy, chances are pretty good that nothing is wrong.

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 11:35pm

All parents worry about there children, even long after they have grown up and moved out.  That type of worry comes from love. 

Your anxiety is causing you to be obssessive over your children's health.  That isn't good for you or them.  I know that children are resillient.  They survive their parent's stupidity and ill judgement.  Believe me, every parent has a story about their kids that involve the parent doing something stupid and the kid was fine. 

You know your children are healthy because you have taken them to see their doctor.  Healthy children can survive a night even if they get sick during the night. 

 I know you love your children.  You take your job as a parent very seriously.  I commend you for that.  Now you do need to work on some coping skills.  They are not going to die in their sleep.  It doesn't hurt anyone if you get up and peak at them when they are sleeping.  Mine is a teenager and if I think he has slept too many hours in a row, I check on him.  As long as he is breathing I leave him be. This might be a good rule for you to use.  Seek out a second or third opinion before you rush off to the doctor over a bump or cut. 

I'm over protective.  I stayed home a lot.  If I had gone with my husband and son, my son wouldn't have had any fun.  He never would have matured and become the wonderful person he is.  I recognized my fault, just as you recognize yours.  That's a good first step.  Just keep reassuring yourself that your kids are fine because they are fine. 

Good luck.  We are here for you. 

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Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 7:52am

Hi Rachel,

So sorry I didn't reply sooner. I've been having a rough go myself.

Do you have anything in your past that would make you so anxious over your kids? I only ask because I am similar, though mine is due to PTSD from my DS needing emergency brain surgery at 1yo. That sort of kicked up my anxiousness tenfold and now I worry about things like you've mentioned. Any little minor thing could be something super bad, in my eyes. 

I know you said you're pregnant so medication really won't be in the cards right now, but I do recommend a therapist for now. Even if you can go once a month. Just being able to talk about your worries may help you, especially from a 3rd party. My husband gets really exasperated by my anxiousness and incessant worrying, since to him, it makes no sense. (For example, my dd, who is almost 20 months, has a bumpy skull. The doctor has assured me it's her skull (it's symmetrical so it's not like its one bump) yet, I still worry that she has something wrong—even though she's showing no signs whatsoever. All stems from my son's brain issues.) Drive dh batty that I think this way.

At any rate, you're welcome to come here to chat and vent and share. :)