i dont know whats wrong with me... please help?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
i dont know whats wrong with me... please help?
Sat, 07-21-2012 - 8:08pm

im 15 and ive been self harming since i was 5. cutting since i was 10. i took an online test and it says i probably have dependant personaltiy disorder. when im alone i get depressed and i cut. i always think of how to commit suicide and how it would be so easy. i say that i dont care what people think but i do. when people say hurtful things or critisize me i get really deeply hurt. i always feel as if nobody likes me and that people talk about me behind my back. im scared of literally everything so i wont go into details about that. i get attached really quickly to people i just meet and get depressed if they ignore me. when i was younger i used to obsess over different things and took small stuffed animals with me even at school and to bed up untill i was like 11. i  always feel as if someone is watching me. i always get told what to do and geet pushed around alot. im a doormat. well thats my story and it would be wonderful if someone could help me... please

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:52am

Hi there - 

First and foremost, PLEASE do not take any online tests. They are not meant to self-diagnose. They are meant as a way to say "hey, yes something is up, I need to talk to a doctor and show him/her this." And a lot of the time they are not meant for teens. There are different sets of questions for adults vs teens. 

Now, about the cutting & suicide. Please seek someone out you can talk to about this. Obviously you know it's not healthy, or you wouldn't be here posting. But you really need to talk about your feelings with someone so you can stop. It's not going to happen on your own.

As for your other stuff, it sounds similar to social phobia which is not something to be ashamed of (I've got it!). Everything you wrote, minus the stuffed animals, is how I've always felt, even as a teen. There is help for it. But again, you do need to talk to someone. A therapist can help you find coping mechanisms that will work for you and you'll feel a lot better. 

And no, you are not a doormat. It may be hard for you to voice your opinion (it is for me) but that doesn't make you a doormat. Your other post about your BF - I can totally relate. I remember feeling that way when I was your age. The fear of the unknown so sticking with a yucky relationship just because. But that's not healthy. 

Please find someone to talk to. Once you do, you'll start feeling a lot better about everything and life won't feel like it's out to get you.