introducing myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2012
introducing myself
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 12:13pm

Hello everyone.

I used to frequent these boards every day about 10 years ago or so. That's the time I was diagnosed with GAD and Depression. It's also around the time I went through a difficult divorce. The last 10 years or so have been a ridiculous struggle in many areas of my life. It seems there is always something dragging me down. I know we all have our struggles and life throws us all curve-balls now and then. I also know that some of us, including me, seem to have the curve-balls thrown at us in rapid succession and it gets to the point where giving up and giving in seems to be the only chance of relief. 

The bulk of my anxiety and panic is financial-related. And the panic attacks hit me in the mornings, usually. Most mornings I wake up and I'm immediately in panic mode. It takes a couple hours to overcome it on a good day. On bad days, forget it...I'm staying in bed. My GAD and panic are, again, getting out of control. I've tried many kinds of meds. Right now I am on nothing and I'm okay with that. 

So, what brought me back here? Hope. I feel better knowing there are other people out there who really understand what I go through daily, and being able to communicate with those people can be very therapeutic. Since the holidays are upon us and that is the most difficult time of year for me, I hope to find some kindred spirits out there. Hopefully we can help each other.

I am 43 (44 next week), college educated, working two jobs. I have a 16 y.o. daughter and a 13 y.o. daughter, a fantastic fiance, and his 13 y.o. son. And Lex, my doggie. My real name is Leona. It's nice to meet you. :)

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 9:55pm

Your name means "Lioness".  Welcome Leona.  There are lots of Leona's in my family.  I don't know why.  We're Irish/Itialian mostly on one side and Gyspy/Choctaw on the other side.  Anyway, I digress.  I'm Karen and I'm 44 years old.  I'm married 24 years.  My husband was recently diagnosed with MS.  I have a 20 year old son who suffers from anxiety and clinical depression, fortunately he hasn't been suicidal in a very long time; a trend I would like to see last.  I had moved from New Orleans to Dallas and my husband was then diagnosed with the MS.  After a few weeks passed it became clear to me that I was going to need help.  I had a nervous breakdown and the anxiety began.  My mother went up to Dallas and after we talked, I moved back to New Orleans with my family and now we live with my mother.  It's quite stressful and my husband is deteriorating.  There are days he doesn't even remember my name but knows we are married but I'm not sure if he understand what that means.  Once I was diagnosed with asthma my anxiety suddenly disapeared.  I worry a lot that it will come back and I was switched to prozac and that is working well for me.  I spend a lot of time depressed over my situation.  Money is tight but at least now we have some coming in.  DH was approved for disability. 

When I have having my anxiety it was non-stop for months on end.  I would get up at all hours and just sit outside in the freezing cold.  It was the only place I didn't feel like I was suffocating.  I will never forget what that felt like.  I would go for days without sleep.   I would be so tired that my head would ache and still I couldn't sleep.  Sleeping pills finally did the trick though.  Sleep is very helpful but it is hard for me to settle down when anxiety is at it's peak.  I swear I must have paced hundreds of miles. 

I have a college degree in science.  I've been looking for work for four years.  I will find something, eventually.  I haven't given up yet. 


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