Obsessed over school shootings

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2011
Obsessed over school shootings
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 9:14am

My daughter is only 3 years old and I am absolutely obsessed over school shootings. I can't drag myself away from the recent Sandy Hook stories.  I think I am having anxiety attacks over sending her to school and we still have a few years left. I can't stop thinking about my baby staring down the barrel of a gun. It gives me chest pains. My husband keeps telling me I am irrational and school safety will be changed in a few years. I want to homeschool and he is adamantly against it.  We have been fighting over it for days now. How do I stop obsessing over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 12:03pm

I know it's scary; I don't think any parent is able to entirely dismiss the scenerio. But the reality is that we can't raise our children to be healty and well adjusted if we focus on the fears of all the "what if's" life might possibly throw at them.

It might help to take a tour of the school your daughter is slated to attend. Talk to the principal and see what type of safety measures they have in place now and if they have any additional measures planned for the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 10:27am
It is so hard. I admit that I think about it every time I drop my kiddos off at school these days. You try not to worry but it seems that lately there is a new shooting at a school each week. :( I agree with what the previous poster said though. Try to tour the school, speak to the principal, and see what safety measures are already in place. Once your daughter does start school, get involved as much as you can. Volunteer in the classroom, join the PTA, whatever you are able to do. The more you are able to be at the school, the more comfortable you will feel. Hang in there! (((HUGS)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 3:14pm
As much as you would like to, you cannot wrap your child in a bubble and protect them 24/7. She's going to feed off of your fears and going to be fearful of school herself. I agree with the previous responses that it would help a lot if you become involved in her school. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist to talk over these fears?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 8:49pm

I agree, as a parent of many it is a concern whenever we send out kids to school. I live in a small town and even here we have precautions. Just a couple weeks ago the Jr High went into lock down just because someone reported a suspicious person near the school.

We did ask each school our kids go to what their emergency plan is and feel confident that if something happened there is a plan.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 12:37am


Unfortunately we live in a scary world today...:(...

I honestly don't think you are being irrational.

If you want to homeschool I don't see it as being a problem, but it takes real committment to do.

I fought for my son to be home-schooled and by the time they agreed I wanted him to stay in the program they had finally put him in they took it away...

Fear is most understandable because of these things going on.

I believe it takes courage to carry on in spite of it.

You don't have to make ANY decision right now so time is on your side.

It's possible you might change your mind and so might your husband.

Either way your concerns are very real.

What happened is devastating and my heart goes out to ALL of those who suffered a "LOSS"...

My heart goes out to you.


Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 11:56pm

Hi.  Are you still having issues with this obsession? 

My son was very young when the Oklahoma City bombing happened.  I couldn't help but hug him every time he walked into the room.  I couldn't pull myself away from the television coverage.  Then one morning I dropped my son off at school and heard that a plane had hit the twin towers.  When I heard that a second plane had hit the towers, I instantly knew the United States was under attack and I freaked out.  I was in my car in the lane to get on the bridge that would take me home and I couldn't get out of that lane.  I had to cross that bridge in order to turn around to go back and get my son.  In that time I was thinking about sorts of things.  I lived close to a chemical plant that could be a bombing target.  I knew that when I bought that house.  Directly across the river from my house was the airport, New Orleans International Airport.  I was sure that would be a target and I also lived by the rail lines where they would line up the military vehicles that were being taken across country to be put on ships  to go off to war.  Surely that would be a target.  I decided he was safer at school and went home.  I called my mother to tell her that our country was under attack and yet the news was not reporting that yet but I knew.  I'm a military brat and I knew.  Once again I found myself fixated on the coverage of the event. 

I do it every time something happens.  I'm up watching Anderson Cooper 360.  I think that for some of us it is our nature to look on at something horrific for various reasons. 

As much as we want to, we can't keep our children safe all the time.  We shouldn't keep them safe all the time.  They have to fall and scrape their knees and little burn teaches a valuable lesson.  That is why we have to let them out of our sight as well.  They have to learn to be independent of us.  They have to become their own autonomous people.  It's a killer for us but as parents that is our job/duty.  Homeschooling is fine but not if it is done to isolate your child.  That isn't healthy for your child. 

You stop obsessing by telling yourself your child is exactly as safe as she ever was and possibly even safer now.  It is okay to let her know that not everyone in this world is a good person.  In fact, it may be vital for children to know that some people are really bad and need to be avoided or tattled on. 

I hope you have been able to calm down. 

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