Some insight needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Some insight needed
3
Fri, 03-15-2013 - 8:04pm

I have a friend from work.  We're kind of more then friends but not not involved either.  I call what we have a flirtship but that's a whole other discussion for another board.  Anyway, he confided in me that he suffers from an anxiety disorder and if put in certain situations he has panic attacks.  Well, the bosses wanted him to run a project at work supervising about 15 others which would also involve taking him out of his normal surroundings. So he went with the bosses to get the feel of the project yesterday.  We made a lot of eye contact when he got back and I just had a feeling it was going to be too much for him.  I texted him last night and told him that it was only for 2 weeks and that the bosses trusted him enough to do the job and that he should be proud.  I'm not familiar with this disorder so I'm not sure if what I said was a good thing or not.  I just felt I had to offer him some sort of encouragement.  Sure enough he called off work this morning saying he was very sick.  I texted him and simply asked if he was feeling any better.  He hasn't replied and I'm worried about him. He has always been very honest and open with me and now he is totally ignoring me. Is it normal for people with this problem to push others away during an episode or do you think he is just embarrassed?  I don't know what, if anything I should say or do. 

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Fri, 03-15-2013 - 8:26pm

Yes, it is normal to push people away or isolate one's self when having anxiety problems/issues.   It takes a lot of energy to deal with this disorder, and that often leads to sleeping a lot and feeling ill.  Then if one suffers from depression along with anxiety, that triggers the depression.

Offering encouragement and support is a good thing.  If you know him well enough, maybe you could offer to bring over something to eat.  Perhaps some soup that is homemade or from his favorite restaurant. 

It would help him if he could bring himself to talk about it.  Online is a good place to do that since we have no clue as to who is posting.  We are our words here. 

I think you are a great friend to seek out this information.  It says alot about who you are and you are kind and caring and that is good. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 03-16-2013 - 7:31am

Thanks.  I really care about him and am still worried because he hasn't called or at least texted back.  Just a simple hi in a text would be nice just so I know he's alive!  Unfortunately we don't see each other outside of work, just calls and texts, so I can't take him anything. Guess I just have to wait, maybe he'll contact me today.  If he doesn't......then I don't know what I should do, if I should just leave him alone or call or text him again.

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Sat, 03-16-2013 - 5:35pm

What have you texted him?

If it were me, I would text him something along the lines of: I just want to know that you are still alive and okay because I haven't heard from recently.  We don't need to have a long conversation just a simple, "I"m okay." will do.  I might be forced to send 911 to your house if I don't hear from you very very soon.

Then if you texts you back with an I'm Okay.  Just send back a Thank You, I'm here if you need me.

and leave it at that. 

If he didn't send me any indication that he is okay, I very seriously would send out a police officer to check on him. 

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