Will you help me through this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Will you help me through this?
3
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 3:28pm

   My name is Kati and I am 24 years old.  I have accomplished many things, such as being the first in my family to graduate college with my bachelor's degree.  I, also, moved 1500 miles away from my family in Chicago to live in Colorado; and it is such a beautiful place.

  I believe the root of my anxiety is definitely my family. When I was little, there was never a dull moment in my household.  With two older brother that were always in trouble, it seems like the cops lived at my house.  My parents didn't get along, even though they are still married to this day.  Every day there was a constant screaming match.  I remember my heart racing and my breathing shallow.  Holidays or special events were the worst.

  After seein a shrink later in college, he put my on two medicines.  His office was a revolving door where they made appointments every 15 minutes.  It was a joke.  Although, I am still on one of the medications, the other one is fast acting that I take when I feel i need it, I have tried to get off of it.  I went from being on 20mg a day, to 40, then back down to 20, then now to 10.  I hate depending on medication.

  I have done some research and read a few self-help books which made me feel like I was in control again.  Shortly after, my anxiety is starting to come back.  Even in the comfort of my own home, I freak out.  But for what?  I think it's the thought of being alone.  What if something happened?  I never used to think like this.  I used to value my time to myself.

  I really just don't understand why I cannot control my own thoughts swirling around in my head. At 24 years old, I should not be worried about dying!  I need a place where I can let type my thoughts out and have support from people who know what I'm dealing with.

Will you help through this?

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 11:03am

Hi Katie -

Welcome. I'm sorry you're feeling so cruddy. It sounds like you need a therapist not a psychologist. They work hand in hand, with the psych being the one to dispense meds. The therapist will be able to work with you, give you a game plan on how to handle situations and get to the root of your fears.

{{{hugs}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-1998
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 3:44pm

There is a book titled "Drama of the Gifted Child" which is about the gift young children have of adapting and surviving in a chaotic and/or abusive environment.  Often to the point where they think the dysfunction is actually normal.

This book has helped me come to terms with my horrible childhood.  I reread it about twice a year because it helps pull repressed memories to the surface and helps me deal with them.  The first few times I read the book, I had strong physical reactions afterwards (as the memories came), that doesn't happen now, and most people I've spoken to who have read it haven't had that kind of reaction.

CBT as was mentioned is also a wonderful tool.  I've been practicing that for about 3 years now.  It is an ongoing process, but has made my world so much better.  The CBT helps me deprogram the automatic physical responses I have to various triggers, many of which I am not even aware of.   There's another book titled "Hope and Help for your Nerves" which might be of some use to you.  Her method is CBT, and she addresses the problem that you seem to describe, of feeling in control and the the anxiety coming back.