How were you as a child?

Avatar for cmkarla
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Registered: 01-03-2001
How were you as a child?
3
Wed, 10-17-2012 - 12:34pm

For those of you with Bipolar Disorder, what kind of a child were you (happy, depressed, anxious,etc.)?

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

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Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 1:14pm

  As a child, I was very introverted, shy, and clung to my parents. I thought I was a happy kid, but my mom tells me I was shy and had to be pushed to play with other kids.  I can remember elementary times; I was very concernd with how the other kids would see me/judge me. I still am preoccupied with how I am seen and perceived by others. I remembered this week: when 3rd grade rolled around, I was so excited. I had my outfit picked out days in advance and laid out complete with socks and shoes and hairbow. I had my pink Jordache packed to the brim with my school supplies according to the school's list and it hung on the back of my bedroom door ready to go. I was so excited because I got my favorite teacher. There is a photo of me standing in the front of the classroom with teacher's hand on my back showing me to my desk; I think I was a little late getting to school. The look on my face is pure excitement, but I remember later that year being full of anxiety. I am horrible at comparing myself to girls around me, doesn't matter if I know them or not. Fast forward to middle school: major depression set in, grades slipped. I was sad all the time and anxious all the time. I never felt pretty enough, smart enough, trendy enough.  I went to a private Christian school til high school.  High school was worse. By that time, I didn't care. I knew I was smart, I just was lazy and thought it was uncool to do really well because then I was labeled a nerd, and that shot myself in the foot. I did get my collge degree but now I can't get into the field I want because my college GPA is so low.

 Everytime I call crying to my mom, her first question: Is it time for your period?  You are hormonal. Go take the dog for a run and pray, you'll feel better.

  I have no energy to go run, though I wish I did and would love to get back to running. I am so overwhelmed by life in general. Right this minute, I'm angry and almost to tears because my house is so disorganized and piles of things everywhere. And trying to figure out to install a new hard drive on my MacBook to avoid astronomical amount of money when I can do this on my own.

  Wish there was a rewind/ do-over button in life. Wish I could tell that little girl that it is ok to be silly and weird because that is how God made her and tough luck if no one gets it.

Avatar for theresa_winger
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 10:10am

Welcome to the bipolar board!  Have you been here before? 

~*~*~*~*Theresa~*~*~*~*

volunteer on  Weight Watchers Bipolar Disorder

 


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Registered: 07-10-2012
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 4:20pm

Hi Sarah,

 You sound like you are really frusterated. I'm sorry you are feeling down  and worn out right now. It is really frusterating.

You should tell the little girl (you) it was fine to be unique, and that it was fine to try to fit in. That's all of us; we are human. As a mom all of my girls stood out a little and thats what I loved about them. They weren't cookie cut-outs. And the people who adored them adored them for just that reason.

I'll be thinking and praying for you. My daughter is not doing well at all right now. A freind read me a verse last night. I didn't hear the end at the time but looked it up this morning and it was comforting. Psalm 13

 

 

with love,

Maya